


the other side of the looking glass

by syncxpate



Category: SHINee
Genre: One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:15:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syncxpate/pseuds/syncxpate
Summary: collection of jongkey one shotsdetails of each fic in the note!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. happy merry valentine's (kibum hates valentine's)  
> 2\. when you say you love me (you miss the way he said hello) [angst, possible triggers, 2nd person pov]  
> 3\. in the water (the boy in the water has green hair.)[merman!kibum sailor!jjong]  
> 4\. u & i (maybe it's just about who you come home to)  
> 5 & 6\. playboy (he's a playboy, minho says. jonghyun thinks he might know better.)  
> 7\. things you said when you thought i was asleep  
> 8\. things you said under the stars and in the grass  
> 9\. things you said after you kissed me  
> 10\. things you said after you kissed me ver 2.  
> 11\. things you said with no space between us  
> 12\. things you said at 1 am  
> 13\. flowers for you (jonghyun likes bringing kibum flowers)  
> 14\. caramel latte soy milk extra shot (there's a boy who's memorised kibum's starbucks order)  
> 15\. you’re tied to me (in which jonghyun is bad at tying ties and kibum is not)  
> 16\. boxes (they're not very good at this unpacking thing)  
> 17\. your voice lingers on my skin (sometimes when jonghyun hears sounds, he feels touch too.)  
> 18\. stormy weather ("The bus broke down near your house, I know we’re not super close but I live three miles away and this storm is horrible, can I stay over?")  
> 19\. fading fading (a tattoo forms on your skin when you fall in love with someone and fades as you fall out of love. kibum’s tattoo is fading, jonghyun’s is not.)  
> 20\. sleepover ('You’ve been sleeping at mine because your house is being renovated and we aren’t even dating, yet every time you wake up to the baby crying and sigh, “I’ll go” I feel like we might as well be married')

**happy merry valentine's**

kibum hates valentine's day

* * *

 

 

"happy valentine's day," kibum mutters as he shepherds his two puppies into the elevator, his voice turning wry and sarcastic. "wishing all a very happy merry valentine's day." as he watches the elevator doors shut, a voice sounds from just beside him.

 

"thanks, you too. although merry is more commonly used for christmas."

 

kibum jerks in surprise and turns towards the voice. it belongs to a slim man standing in the corner of the elevator with his own dog on a leash. the man is slightly shorter than kibum, has a shock of platinum hair, soft rounded eyes and a lush mouth currently turned up into an amused grin.

 

"hi," he says, when all kibum does is stare.

 

"hello," kibum says slowly. he wonders if he should explain that he often talks to himself when he feels frustrated, that it helps vent the feelings without him hurting anyone else. then he wonders why his overactive brain thinks he needs to justify himself to a complete stranger. "stupid," he mutters.

 

"is that directed at me or at yourself?" the guy is way too amused at this whole thing.

 

kibum glares. and when the shorter man's grin fails to falter, he sighs, letting his sharp sudden irritation release him.

 

"neither," kibum replies, "or both." he shrugs then turns away, expecting the conversation to end.

 

instead the man slidles closer to him, and as kibum casts a quick glance at him, tilts his head, like a curious bird. "why do you hate valentine's day?"

 

"why are you talking to me?" 

 

the man chuckles at kibum's question. "you're interesting," he says.

 

"huh." but there's something flattering about the blatant interest, and kibum can't help the slight smile that plays at his lips.

 

the 'ding' of the lift reaching the ground floor curtails any other attempts at a conversation, and kibum doesn't bother trying. perhaps the man  _ is _ interested, but kibum isn't quite.

 

as he moves away from the lift, puppies skipping happily around him, the man calls out one last thing. "my name is jonghyun, what's yours?"

 

kibum stops and turns around. "if you see me again, i'll tell you," he says. jonghyun's face goes from shocked to amused to appreciative in a matter of a few instants, then he grins.

 

"in that case, i'm sure i'll see you soon!"

 

kibum walks on, shaking his head slightly and laughing to himself.

 

~~

 

jonghyun is the new teacher at the puppy school kibum visits later that day. and when jonghyun sees kibum step in for his appointment, he lets out a loud hearty laugh. kibum groans in mock despair, but there's something fluttering in his stomach, anticipation maybe, or just...curiosity. 

 

curiosity that deepens into something warmer at jonghyun's enthusiastic and frankly, endearing introductions, and his tender affection to the animals in the school.

 

by the time kibum has finished the tour and has signed his dogs up, he's given over his name and number and a promise for coffee the next week.

 

"happy merry valentine's day," jonghyun says as kibum leaves, eyes sparkling with mirth.

 

"merry is more commonly used for christmas."

 

kibum thinks his eyes probably aren't as bright as jonghyun's but they sure feel close.


	2. Chapter 2

**when you say you love me**

you miss the way he said hello.

angst, 2nd person pov.

_read this first: i posted this as a wip some time back, and then again recently and talked about the plot. but a couple of weeks back  i relooked at it and wanted to give it a different ending. the final piece could still be triggering bc of certain elements and bc parts of it morphed into my own version of a vent fic. but i rather not list the trigger warnings bc it could spoil the plot. i can only tell you no character death; bc that's one thing i'll probably never write again for shinee fic._

_if you're still concerned, you can msg me on[tumblr](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com), off anon, and i'll let you know the elements that could be triggering._

* * *

 

_you miss the way he said hello; lilting and melodic, simple happiness almost palpable, like if you tried hard enough you could touch it, you could keep it. he would wave, smile brimming over with joy; too much, too bright, and you would shake your head, tell him he's ridiculous, too easily pleased. he'd agree, shrug his shoulders carelessly and kiss you without further comment._

 

_you loved that._

 

~~

 

"kibum!" jonghyun bounced up as kibum came in through the door. like a child, kibum thought, innocent and untouched, his smile still like sunlight.

 

kibum's smile in return was irrepressible. "hi," he said, tender. the kind of tenderness that the sharp toothed rivals in the business sales unit of his company never got to see.

 

"you're home early," jonghyun observed, and the tilt of his head told kibum he was pleased.

 

"i am," kibum agreed. he reached over to draw jonghyun to him, curling an arm around his waist.

 

"i missed you," he said, dropping his head into jonghyun's shoulder.

 

"come home early all the time then."

 

kibum laughed softly and didn't answer, burrowing closer to jonghyun, sharing his warmth.

 

~-~

 

_you think he loved you._

 

_no, you know he did. with every fibre of his soul, someone more romantic would say, with every breath of air he took in._

 

_you think you loved him, as much as you could, with every scrap you could afford from your ruined, still-beating heart._

 

_he loved you raw, messy, open; bloody almost. like he had torn the love from himself, an animal offering itself as sacrifice._

 

_you loved him clean; carefully cut open; fed to him sliver by sliver. each piece as immaculate as the next, the blood washed off._

 

~-~

 

"why are you with him?" his friends asked him, and under the laconic disinterest, kibum thought he saw a frisson of genuine curiosity.

 

"he loves me," kibum replied. he shrugged, as if it was an unimportant kind of statement; trivial in its simplicity. his actions were lies, but they didn't need to know that.

 

the laughter to the words was galling. "not because _you_ love him?" that was taemin, forthright, cold, far too intelligent.

 

"you know i don't do that." the laughter crescendoed at kibum's remark and he wished he understood why it was amusing. he wished they understood that he wanted to love jonghyun, wanted to love him the way jonghyun loved him, wholly and bluntly. but kibum could only love in bits and pieces, not always there, not always real.

 

_~-~_

 

_he liked to sing in the shower; you remember that sometimes, when the beat of water against your skin calls back a memory of tenor voice and floating notes. you recorded it once, placing your phone just outside the door and you remember playing it back when he came out and laughing as you watched the embarrassment shift across his face._

 

_you hadn't erased it, even when he pleaded, shy giggles falling from his mouth, even when he reached out hands in a tickle attack that left you breathless with laughter. and you're glad now, that you didn't._

 

_in the heavy suffocation some nights bring, his voice is a relief, his voice is a comfort. you wish you could cling to it, the way you used to cling to him. limbs tangled, breath mingled._

 

_when he touched you, it felt like everything broken reknit themselves, held together by the strength of love in his touch._

 

_when he touched you, you were whole._

 

_~-~_

 

the singer in the rundown little pub in the seedier part of town kibum wasn't supposed to be in was kind of hot. he had the lean muscle kibum always liked to run palms over, a full mouth turned up into an arrogant smirk, and big, lazy eyes pinned curiously on kibum. kibum let his own mouth curl into an answering smirk and the spark of genuine interest in the singer's eyes was like a promise.

 

"you have a great voice," kibum said later, sliding into the stool next to the guy. "better than this anyway." he raised his glass of questionable liquor and made a face.

 

the laugh the dropped from the singer's mouth made kibum's stomach curl. it was almost sensual. "i should hope so," he said.

 

"i'm jonghyun," he continued. "i don't think i've seen you around here before."

 

"kibum. and i'd like to think you would remember me."

 

jonghyun laughed again, and clinked his glass against kibum's. his eyes ran appreciatively over kibum's face and body.

 

"i'm sure i would."

 

~-~

 

_you wanted him, from the very start, wanted to find out how far you had to push him before his voice would crack, how high he could scream. you wanted him under your hands, between your legs, in your mouth. you wanted this man, from the wrong side of the tracks, walking down a different path. you wanted something new, exciting, a fling, no strings._

 

_and the way he looked at you, you knew he wanted you too._

 

_you weren't supposed to want more. and you think maybe he didn't plan to either._

 

_~-~_

 

"move in with me," kibum said. and jonghyun looked over, amusement lighting in his eyes.

 

"are you still drunk?"

 

rolling over, kibum draped himself across jonghyun. "a little, but i'm sober enough. move in with me."

 

jonghyun chuckled and pressed a kiss into kibum's bare shoulder. "okay, i'll bite. why?"

 

"because your apartment is too small, and mine has space." kibum's heart was beating too hard in his chest. his relationship with jonghyun wasn't clear. they fucked and they flirted and sometimes they would cook for each other in the morning after. sometimes jonghyun would spend a day in kibum's apartment, smoking too many cigarettes and judging kibum's movie collection. and sometimes kibum would tell him to stop smoking. but they didn't date, and they didn't meet outside of their apartments and the pub.

 

kibum was pretty sure this wasn't something jonghyun wanted, but jonghyun made him feel alive, and he wanted to keep that.

 

"okay."

 

"what?"

 

"you asked. i said okay. don't regret it." there was mischief in the angles of jonghyun's face and kibum's heart was beating too hard.

 

"i won't."

 

~-~

 

_you still remember the first time you went to his apartment. it felt claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in. it was too small; a kitchen, a bedroom, a toilet, half the size of yours maybe, barely any space to breathe. but he looked at you with bright eyes and you realised he was proud of this place. tiny, but clean, spartan but not unwelcoming, at least once you got used to the narrowness._

 

_"you live here?" you asked, and his eyes glimmered at your flabbergasted tone; amusement, not offense._

 

_"i don't earn all that much," he said genially, and then shrugged. "not like you." he stepped forward, smile steady on his mouth; teasing breath against your neck, touching but not. and you grabbed his collar and kissed him and he kissed you back. and when you fell backwards onto the bed, his body pressed to yours, the smallness of the place didn't seem to matter. not when his mouth was on your skin, not when his voice was in your ears, not when he looked at you like you were the most beautiful._

 

_you wanted to burrow beneath his skin, let his bones hold you captive._

 

_in the middle of the some nights, you stare at the dark ceiling and let the hours go by without sleep. and you wonder when you'll feel his breath again, when you will feel his touch._

 

~-~

 

they were lying in bed one night when jonghyun told kibum about his past, and as the first few words fell from his lips, kibum knew what they were had gone too far beyond a fling.

 

jonghyun came from a family who lived just above the poverty line; a father who too wilfully abandoned them, a mother who refused to cry, simply rolled up her sleeves and worked three jobs. they had enough for survival and school but not for anything else. and jonghyun wanted music.

 

kibum listened as jonghyun narrated the trials, all with a serene smile on his face; teaching himself guitar, forming a band, plucking out notes and rhythms and writing songs into the night. then as the rest of the teenagers lost interest, how he would squeeze in time in between school and his after-school ice-cream scooper job to trudge alone to clubs and bars and pubs; beg for a chance to play.

 

luck strikes if you work hard enough, and one day it hit.

 

one pub owner relented and let him try, just five songs, one night. and it was enough. it didn't make him famous, nor catapult him to stardom, but it did give him some recognition, regular gigs, airtime on the radio once or twice, enough money to survive, enough so his mother didn't have to work so hard. enough.

 

and kibum, notorious coveter of all things beautiful, lush and expensive, wondered what it felt like to want so little, to be satisfied with something less than everything.

 

when jonghyun stopped talking, smiled softly and pressed a kiss to kibum's forehead, there was a moment he forgot how to breathe. there was a tightness in his chest, like his heart had grown too big to fit.

 

~-~

 

_you told him he should be an idol, once, twice. mostly drowsily before you fell asleep, grand plans of conquering the music world, becoming famous, earning a ton of money. and the third time you mentioned it, he told you he didn't want to conquer anything, didn't want eyes tracing his every move._

 

_he told you he just wanted you, and when you froze at the matter-of-fact words, he laughed._

 

_"isn't it obvious, kibum?" gentle, kind, unassuming._

 

_and you thought you should say it back, thought maybe you wanted to, but the block in your throat was hard and pointed, and they couldn't come through._

 

_you wish now, that you had told him then, and all the days after, told him over and over._

 

_that all you wanted was him, too._

 

_all you want. still._

 

_~-~_

 

three months after jonghyun moved in, taemin cornered kibum at work.

 

"he's living with you now?" if the shock in taemin's tone wasn't unmistakable, the look in his eyes was. "is he some kind of kept pet?"

 

"he helps with rent," kibum replied quietly. "it isn't like that. he loves me. and i-"

 

"you don't fall in love," taemin finished for him.

 

"he's _mine_ ," kibum whispered, harsh.

 

"oh kibum." it was pity and concern mixed with disbelief and kibum didn't like the combination.

 

"don't break his heart. don't break your own."

 

"mine," kibum repeated to taemin's back as he turned away. "mine."

 

~-~

 

_i love you._

 

_you know i love you._

 

_don't you know i love you?_

 

_you practiced the words, over and over, a litany, a chant. i love you i love you i love you. until they lost their meaning, crumbled into little balls of wasted words. i love you._

 

_'you don't though.'_

 

_the voice in your head sounded sure. the voice in your head was cruel. the voice in your head was wrong. but you thought it was right._

 

_so you didn't tell him. not then._

 

_~-~_

 

"i love you," jonghyun said, and kibum looked up from his phone. he must have looked terrified, because jonghyun laughed. "i just wanted you to know," he said. then he shrugged. he said the  words like they were easy, spilling from his mouth like too much water. _i love you._

 

kibum sucked in a breath, opened his mouth, snapped it shut, tried again. but the answering words were still trapped behind his vocal cords, still unwilling to exit. jagged edged angry barriers in their way.

 

unwanted tears slid from under his eyelashes, desperate and hot. and to kibum's horror, they didn't stop, spilling over and escaping. beyond his control. jonghyun stood and moved closer; touched his fingers to kibum's tears, pressed a kiss to kibum's hair. "you don't have to say it back," he cooed, like a lullaby. "it's okay. it's okay."

 

"don't leave me," kibum hiccupped. "don't. i want you to stay."

 

"as long as you want me," jonghyun whispered. "it's enough."

 

~-~

 

_"i love you."_

 

_he always said it just before he fell asleep. in lieu of "goodnight", of "sweet dreams", never waiting for the answer he knew you couldn't give. you would curl arms around him as he drifted off and accompanied by his regular breathing you would practice the words again._

 

_i love- i- i love y- lov-_

 

_now, in the darkness of your too big apartment in your too big bed you can say it back._

 

_"i love you too."_

 

_but he isn't there to hear._

 

_~-~_

 

"i care a lot about you, you know," kibum announced one day, when he walked in through the door. jonghyun looked up from his book.

 

"okay? and yes i do know." jonghyun's smile was quizzical, amused and indulgent, and kibum wanted to smack him.

 

"i'm serious."

 

"i know. me too."

 

kibum stalked over to sit next to jonghyun and jonghyun laughed at the scowl on his face. "why the sudden declaration?"

 

kibum shrugged. "i just. i needed you to know." he leaned his head into jonghyun's shoulder so he wouldn't have to meet his eyes.

 

"okay." jonghyun reached over to pull kibum closer by the hips. "okay."

 

~-~

 

_love meant something specific to you; nothing like how other people saw it; not bright or rose-pink or hopeful. love, to you, was always black and blue._

 

_you told the story after half a year of staying together; told him of the man long ago, the first one who claimed to love you, the only one you thought you loved back. you told him about fingers digging too deep into your flesh and bruises littering your skin, about being opened up and stretched and pressed into, too hard too fast, about protests that fell from your lips that seemed to only encourage, pleasure derived from your pain. the way he always took what you didn't want to give. and the way he said after, the way he always said, "don't you love me?" like it excused something, like it excused everything._

 

_and you let it excuse everything._

 

_love became a bottomless pit where you never stopped falling, pain became constant, locked in this prison cell without the key; the one you had thrown away yourself._

 

_and always always the echoing words. "don't you love me?"_

 

_perhaps the most terrifying thing is that you did. you really did. that was the only time you ever said the words and meant it. when you left him, his laughter followed you._

 

_"you don't know how to love." and you think maybe it's still true._

 

_jonghyun listened silently as you talked, his eyes liquid sympathy, and when you finished he tipped your chin up and made you meet his gaze and he said quietly, "he didn't love you. that wasn't love"._

 

_you didn't reply, just leaned forward and kissed him. because by then you knew that too. by then, you thought that maybe love...it was the boy in your arms, the boy with the earnest eyes and tears on his cheeks, tears for you._

 

_you still didn't tell him though._

 

_~-~_

 

they fell into a pattern of sorts; kibum working in the day, jonghyun working in the night, coming together in the four hours between kibum ending his work and jonghyun leaving for his. sometimes they would meet for dinner in a restaurant or cafe that one of them wanted to try, sometimes they'd squeeze in a movie. but mostly, one of them would cook and then they'll curl up together and talk; a little or not at all. kibum just liked having jonghyun against him, hearing the soft inhales and exhales of his breathing.

 

was that love? kibum wasn't sure yet, but he was sure he wanted to keep it.

 

~-~

 

_you remember the phone call; the lazy scolding way you answered when you saw his name on the caller id. because it was four a.m. and it had woken you up. you didn't mind, really. sometimes he wanted to talk over the commute home, and you liked listening to his voice._

 

_but it was an unfamiliar voice that met your ears, an unfamiliar voice saying your name._

 

_"are you kibum? jonghyun's….kibum?"_

 

_you found that phrasing weird, but perhaps the whole situation was weird, someone else calling you on jonghyun's phone at 4.05 in the morning._

 

_"there's been an accident."_

 

_that's when it stopped being amusingly weird and just became a nightmare._

 

~-~

 

a coma, they said.

 

possible brain damage, not quite sure how lasting. they already did the surgery so now they have to wait.

 

the car hit him hard.

 

if not for the firm grip of jinki's fingers around kibum's arm, he might've fallen over.

 

jinki, a fellow performer at the pub where jonghyun worked and the one who called him.

 

"he saved your number as _my heart_ ," he told kibum.

 

and kibum considered crying, but he thought maybe he'd end up screaming instead, and perhaps hospitals weren't the right places for that.

~-~

 

_and now you wait. because that's what they said to do, wait while he lies there on the hospital bed, tubes attached to his limbs, oxygen mask over his nose, pale and quiet._

 

_his eyelashes are dark against the pallor of his skin and he looks...peaceful, young, vulnerable. and you, you wish you told him all the many times before. before this._

 

_i love you i love you i love you._

 

_you slide your fingers through his and squeeze and wish you could feel him responding._

 

_you say the words over and over._

 

_and you think, maybe, maybe that is what will bring him back._

 

~-~

 

"you look a wreck," taemin remarks while you're at work the next day.

 

"jjong is in the hospital," kibum replies, and as he tries to walk away, taemin reaches over to grip his wrist, effectively halting him in his tracks.

 

"you look a wreck," taemin repeats, but this time it isn't snark, it's wonderment.

 

"you love him." and that is said with quiet astonishment.

 

"shut up," kibum snaps, pulls his arm out from taemin's grasp and stalks away. pity had seeped into taemin's stare and it's something kibum doesn't want to face.

 

~-~

 

_why couldn't you say it earlier? it's easy now, too easy, almost instinctive._

 

_i love you i love you i love you._

 

_overflowing from your lips, too much to stop._

 

_too late too late. and the hours drag by and the days and then it's two weeks without his touch and laugh and voice and you think maybe this feeling is what it means to drown._

 

_"take a sabbatical," your boss says. and it looks like pity, and you don't want pity._

 

_but you take it anyway, because your sales figures are falling and you don't really care. because negotiating is hard now, thinking is hard,everything is hard, even composing a simple email, and more often than not, you find yourself falling asleep at your desk._

 

_"you look like a wreck," taemin says again, but this time he passes you a sandwich from the cafè across the road and smiles. and it's kind._

 

_it takes you a flicker too long but you smile back._

 

~-~

 

"you're so silly," kibum announces, as he settles beside jonghyun's hospital bed, two and a half weeks since the day. "getting knocked over by a car, who does that?"

 

"silly. jinki says you always rushed home to me after your shifts and that could be why you didn't see that stupid speeding beat the red light car. that's sweet, really sweet, annoyingly sweet. we're suing the heck out of them just so you know."

 

"the doctors say you're getting better. or at least, you're not dying. which is a good thing. right?"

 

"when you wake up, it'll be a whole lot of physical therapy because you've basically been a lazy ass for weeks but it'll be okay. we can handle that. you'll be okay. everything will be okay."

 

"it'll all be okay."

 

"we're gonna be just fine."

 

"..."

 

"jjong, please come back to me."

 

~-~

 

_when he does wake up, you're not there. the nurse calls you as you're driving into the hospital carpark and you nearly lose grip on the steering wheel. after you park the car, you don't move for almost five minutes, the weight of everything holding you down. and you're terrified suddenly, afraid what this reality means, what the future might be, how to take the next steps._

 

_whether he would still love you._

 

_but when you step into his ward, and he catches sight of you in between the quick moving nurses, he smiles, easy and brilliant and still the same._

 

_hello, he mouths from behind the oxygen mask._

 

_and your legs almost give way, your heart leaps to your throat._

 

_but you're not scared anymore._

 

_~-~_

 

"i love you," kibum says, as he draws nearer to jonghyun. the nurses are trying to speak to him, but he isn't paying attention.

 

"i love you," he repeats and it bubbles out like a prayer, a chant, a litany of promises. "i love you."

 

"i'm sorry i never told you earlier i'm sorry i was scared and had to wait until you nearly- i. i love you i love you."

 

he's collapsed on the floor beside the bed, the words still spilling out from his mouth, like the scatter of cherry blossom petals in the breeze. he can feel hot tears gather under his eyelashes.

 

jonghyun's smile is bright bright bright and his eyes curve up into happy little slits. and when he reaches out and weakly grips kibum's hand and mouths _i love you too,_ it feels like every crack in kibum's soul is made whole.

 

~-~

 

_i love you, he mutters, just before falling asleep, just like always._

 

_love you too, you say back. love you always._


	3. Chapter 3

**in the water**

_the boy in the water has green hair._

merman!kibum sailor!jjong

for my beta who wanted merman!kibum who eats people.

idk if this has triggers? but i guess it could read as character death, even if in my head it's not exactly that.

 

* * *

 

 

the boy in the water has green hair. that’s the first thing jonghyun sees. green hair and sharp teeth and eyes that seem to glow faintly yellow in the darkness of the night. and when he looks straight at jonghyun and smiles, the moonlight glimmers off his pale skin, and jonghyun thinks, “he’s beautiful.”

“you’re beautiful,” jonghyun says out loud, and even if he’s on a ship and the boy in the waters below, he thinks maybe his words can still be heard. the boy’s smile widens, and the sharpness of his teeth flash almost too bright. jonghyun thinks he should be afraid, but he’s just captivated.

 _come to me._ the voice is beckoning, alluring. and even if the boy’s mouth never moves, jonghyun knows the voice is his.  _come._

there’s a twist in jonghyun’s chest, as if the boy is tugging tugging at it with his long fingers.  _come_. and jonghyun wants to; wants with an ache deep in his soul.

the boy laughs then, open mouthed, as if he knows he is close to getting what he wants.

 _come_. the voice spins in his mind, clearing out everything except the invitation.  _come to me_. it’s an order but also a sweet temptation and jonghyun lets his mug, still half filled with drink, slip through his fingers to clatter to the wooden boards beneath him.

 _come_. the boy reaches out his arms and jonghyun lets himself fall from the side of the boat, unheeding the crew screaming his name.

then the boy moves, and jonghyun sees a glittering tail shimmering in the water, and he has time to think  _oh_ before he feels cold fingers slide around his neck and an icy mouth touch his cheek.

“hello,” the merman whispers, and his voice is low and dark and despite the freezing water, pulls up something akin to heat in jonghyun’s stomach.

“my name is kibum.”

then jonghyun feels the slice of nails digging into his flesh and sharp shocks of pain, and just before the world goes black he sees the merman smile, like a dagger, like a warning.

he’s still beautiful.

 

 

 

 

[when jonghyun opens his eyes again, it’s to a world of blue and green and kibum’s smile.

“hi,” kibum says, and it’s gentler this time.

“i’m not eaten,” jonghyun says wonderingly.

kibum shrugs. “you’re pretty. i like you.”

it isn’t quite an answer but maybe it also is.

kibum reaches over and curls fingers around jonghyun’s cheek, and jonghyun impulsively leans forward and kisses him.

when he pulls away, kibum’s smile is faltering and shy, and he ducks his head a bit. “what was that for?”

“you’re beautiful,” jonghyun says, also not quite an answer but he knows kibum understands.

“you still think so? even though i almost ate you?”

“i’d think that way even if you had.”

–

(jonghyun has a pink tail that kibum likes to run fingers over. kibum says it’s pink because it matches his hair. jonghyun likes the pink, likes also that it matches the sheen that kibum’s blue tail has sometimes. 

kibum thinks jonghyun’s singing is more alluring then any of the other merpeople. jonghyun uses it on kibum when he particularly wants kisses.

kibum doesn't eat humans much anymore. because he doesn't actually have to. and because jonghyun has a soft heart.

the other merpeople tell kibum he’s mad, because he was the one with the highest kill count before he saw jonghyun, but he just shrugs and tugs jonghyun in closer.

jonghyun has a smaller frame than kibum, and he fits into his side. kibum likes that.)]


	4. Chapter 4

**u & i**

maybe it’s just about who you come home to.

_for the jjong month thing on tumblr. this is much more sentimental than i usually write._

* * *

 

jonghyun comes back late that night after work, hair rumpled and pout marring his face. kibum looks up from where he's lazing on the couch with their three dogs and smiles fondly. he knows the look on jonghyun's face.

 

"conductor being a bitch again?" he asks.

 

jonghyun's pout deepens as he kicks off his shoes at the door. "always," he mutters. by the time he looks back up, kibum has gently pushed the dogs off him and opened his arms.

 

"come here," he says, beckoning with one hand.

 

pout melting into a grateful smile, jonghyun moves closer and falls into kibum's embrace.

 

"he's such a pain," jonghyun mumbles into kibum's neck, "always picking on me. it's not my fault everyone else sings like they're zombies."

 

kibum laughs into jonghyun's hair. "you really should join another choir," he suggests gently.

 

"this one is already the best one in the state," jonghyun insists.

 

kibum sighs and wraps his arms fully around jonghyun, shifting his body so his lover can fully lie on him. it's a common argument.

 

"i just don't want you to be unhappy," he says softly.

 

"i know, i'm not. really. i get to come home to you, right?"

 

a giggle escapes before kibum can stop it. "sweet but you know that's not what i meant."

 

"you like that though." jonghyun's face is tucked into the juncture between kibum's neck and shoulder but kibum can hear the smirk in his voice.

 

kibum shakes his head, brushing fingers through jonghyun's hair. "i do, i like everything about you." it's far more direct than he usually is, but perhaps it's also late enough at night that such sentimentality is allowed.

 

jonghyun presses his lips against kibum's throat, chaste and quick. kibum can feel the smile against his skin.

 

"you, you and i," jonghyun sings lazily. "you and i."  
  
"what about me and you?" kibum asks teasingly.   
  
"you, you and i. you and i. i love you." it's soft and gentle and it makes kibum's heart stutter.

 

he reaches over to tilt jonghyun's face up, pressing their mouths together in a soft kiss. "love you too."

 

they fall into comfortable silence, just listening to each other breathe. in a few minutes, kibum will shake the drowsy jonghyun and push him into the shower and then into bed but right now, he's happy to just have his weight against him, familiar and warm.


	5. Chapter 5

**playboy**

_‘he’s a playboy, you know,’ minho says. jonghyun thinks he might know better._

jongkey/pg

(is this counted as jjongsmonth?)

* * *

 

“he’s a playboy, you know,” minho mutters into jonghyun’s ear, tilting his head to indicate the man who had been eyeing jonghyun up the whole night, unheeding of the throng of interested men and women gathered around him.

“is he?” jonghyun asks lazily; he grins when minho lets out an exasperated sound.

“his name is kim kibum, he’s the dj here and he goes home with someone different every week. you fall in love too easily, and i’m worried you’ll get caught. don’t get caught.”

jonghyun swallows back the words  _i know who he is_ before they escape from his tongue and his grin stretches wider when kibum meets his gaze again; there’s invitation there. “i think i would very much like to get caught by him,” he says feelingly.

minho snorts. “of course you would,” he mutters, and jonghyun just catches the added words “zero self preservation” before minho drags him to the bar to get drinks.

despite the heated glances, kibum doesn’t approach him. and truthfully, jonghyun doesn’t expect him to.

when jonghyun leaves with minho later, he hasn’t caught sight of the man again.

~-~

two hours after he’s gotten home, he gets the expected knock on his door.

“when did you leave?” kibum demands the moment jonghyun opens the door. “i didn’t see you after your tall friend dragged you off.”

“his name is minho,” jonghyun says calmly. “you know that.” he closes the door behind kibum and presses a kiss to his cheek. “hello to you too.”

kibum leans into jonghyun and slides arms loosely around his hips. “hi,” he whispers. then he leans in closer and kisses him full on the mouth.

~-~

minho prides himself on being up to date with things, of knowing. but there is at least one thing he doesn’t know – the playboy dj of the club he frequents has been going home with jonghyun, his  _best friend_ , at least three nights a week for the past four months.

_they had met at a small bar on the other side of town, where jonghyun often played. that was one of the few times minho wasn’t in audience; busy with the upcoming exams of his middle school mathematics students and the little league competition with the team he coached._

_jonghyun was sitting in a corner booth with his drink waiting for his second set and quietly watching the crowd mill about, and kibum had taken it upon himself to slide into the seat opposite._

_“you’re really talented,” he said, and when jonghyun looked, the sparkle in kibum’s eyes made him think it was genuine._

_“thank you,” jonghyun replied, as sincerely as he could. kibum flashed a grin at him._

_there was something familiar about the sharp eyes of the man in front of him, and something dangerous. “you’re a dj in that club, aren’t you?” he asked. “that one. on the other side of town. i forgot the name. i think it has sapphire in it.” it was minho’s favourite club and jonghyun had gone just once. but he remembered the redhead dj, also remembered the way those eyes traced up his body._

_kibum laughed, “it’s actually onyx but for you it can be sapphire.”_

_he stretched out his hand, “i’m kibum. do you go there? i feel like i would have remembered you.”_

_jonghyun grinned, grabbing his hand. “i’m jonghyun. and i’ve been there once or twice. everyone there would remember you. my friend calls you the club’s resident playboy.”_

_kibum laughed again, throwing his head back. his laugh was kind of ugly, jonghyun decided, but he liked it. “that’s direct,” kibum commented. “i like that.”_

_his eyes lingered on jonghyun’s face, dipping to focus on his mouth, and jonghyun was pretty sure kibum liked more than just his directness._

i like you _, jonghyun almost said later, when he finished his set and kibum waved him over to continue their conversation. but that would be premature._

_when jonghyun invited kibum home that night, kibum accepted. that was almost expected._

_he also asked for jonghyun’s number and then called two days later. that wasn’t quite as expected._

_that they would eventually start meeting regularly over four months perhaps would have seemed delusional._

~-~

“your friend was glaring at me the whole time,” kibum remarks later. they’re lying together on jonghyun’s bed, and kibum’s hands are still on jonghyun’s hips.

“was he? i didn’t notice.”

“naturally. you were too busy looking at  _me.”_  kibum’s voice is tinged with amusement.

“hey, you can’t blame me. my boyfriend is a sight to behold.” jonghyun is careful to say the words lightly, maybe too lightly, but kibum’s hands clench on his hips, just momentarily and jonghyun is almost surprised he doesn’t pull away.

“boyfriend, huh. is that what we are?” the question is soft.

jonghyun sucks in a breath.

“can we?” there’s something fragile growing between them, different from the laughter and banter and sex that usually happens. jonghyun thinks if he breathes wrong kibum might fly away, never be caught.

“i’ve never…” kibum looks away for an instant, and when he looks back there’s something startlingly honest in his expression.

“i’ve never wanted to,” he finishes, words coming out in a rush, and reaches one hand up to catch a lock of jonghyun’s blond hair. “it’s easier to kiss and leave.”

jonghyun doesn’t answer, just watches the way kibum’s eyes dart back and forth.

“i want to, now.” kibum’s next statement is so quiet jonghyun almost has to strain to hear.

there’s joy and relief and just a touch of disbelief brimming over in jonghyun’s chest when he finally understands kibum’s meaning. and all the words he wants to say,  _should_  say, in response are trapped behind the happiness that’s pulsing through him. perhaps kibum can see it, written all over jonghyun’s face, because he shakes his head, fond smile lighting on his mouth.

“don’t look at me like that, so bright. it’s not going to be easy; i don’t like commitment; i like flirting; i like making people love me without having to love them back. i don’t. i don’t know how to be a boyfriend.” there’s a pause and kibum touches his fingers to jonghyun’s cheek. “but you make me want to try.”

jonghyun raises his own hand and catches kibum’s fingers. “that’s enough,” he says, tenderly. “that’s more than enough.”

“you sap,” kibum whispers, tugging jonghyun closer.

jonghyun smiles and brushes his mouth over kibum’s lips.

“so let’s play, playboy,” he whispers.

kibum lets out a laugh and then wraps arms around jonghyun’s neck and kisses him, open-mouthed and full of hope.


	6. Chapter 6

playboy extension: where minho meets kibum

_i just needed to write this haha. repost from tumblr!_

 

* * *

 

“you want me to meet your boyfriend.”

“yes.”

jonghyun’s gaze is trained to the floor instead of up at him and minho wonders why his best friend seems so nervous.

“be nice ok? he’s important to me,” jonghyun whispers.

 “when am i ever not nice?” minho counters, and jonghyun smiles.

“you might surprise yourself.” minho stares mutely at jonghyun but no further elaboration is forthcoming. minho sighs and decides to leave it; jonghyun is surprisingly stubborn sometimes.

“i didn’t even know you had a boyfriend,” minho says after a beat.

“yeah, it’s…we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit.”

minho snorts. “sure he isn’t secretly married?”

jonghyun looks at minho with incomprehension and then for some inexplicable reason he lets out a sharp peal of laughter.

“trust me,” he says, breath catching. “that would be the last thing possible.”

“you’re being needlessly mysterious now.”

“he’ll be here in a bit, you’ll get it.”

~-~

when kibum comes in, minho almost lets out a peal of laughter himself. if he had been asked to make a list, kibum would not even have been on it.

“you’re dating  _him?”_ and perhaps the incredulity is rude but he can’t help himself. kibum sighs quietly, eyes trained to the floor. it’s the least confident minho has ever seen him.

ignoring kibum, minho addresses jonghyun. “he’s so flippant, so easy. there’s always someone new around the corner; you can’t seriously want to start something with him. you can do better.”

jonghyun’s brows furrow and he opens his mouth, probably to retort, but a smooth voice interrupts.

“i know he can,” kibum says, the tremor in his voice barely audible. “but he wants me and he’s wanted me for almost six months and i…for the first time; i want someone back. please. you don’t have to like me. just don’t tell him to leave me.”

there’s something terrifyingly honest about the look in kibum’s eyes. something that makes minho consider that he might mean it, that jonghyun means something real to him.

jonghyun reaches over and grasps kibum’s hand and there’s a look in his eyes, so tender it feels like maybe minho shouldn’t be allowed to witness it. when kibum looks back at jonghyun that same tenderness in echoed in his expression.

minho sighs, shaking his head. he thinks the way they look at each other would convince him more than any monologue of passionate words will.

“don’t hurt him,” minho says, finally. “ he has a gentle heart, easily broken. just don’t- hurt him.”

“i know,” kibum replies. “i won’t.” then, “thank you.” there’s something utterly sincere about the words and the look in his eyes.

“thanks ming,” jonghyun says. there is relief in his smile.

minho rolls his eyes. “i’m not your father, stop overreacting.”

jonghyun laughs and then kibum, and minho glances at their hands, still tightly joined, and thinks maybe there are deep wells in most people you never quite get to see.

thinks maybe there’s hope for this…whatever this is.


	7. Chapter 7

from [this list](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com/post/174206422228/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a), first posted on my [tumblr](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com/post/175039232018/so-remember-this-list-that-no-one-prompted-me-for)

**things you said when you thought i was asleep**

_jongkey/pg/2nd person pov_

 

“i miss you.”

the words are barely audible under the noise of the rock music the taxi driver is playing, almost like they had escaped by accident, but you hear them anyway. you keep your eyes closed though, like you’re really sleeping.

“you’re sleeping and i’m talking to you. as if it’s still five years ago and we’re still joined at the hips. i’m a little stupid aren’t i? i wish we hadn’t lost touch. do you miss me too?”

it sounds like they could be lyrics, bad lyrics from an overhyped love song you would hear playing too often over the radio. the kind of songs he wrote sometimes, for you. he’d play them with a toothy grin, too bright too white, holding his guitar and sprawled on an unmade bed. and anything even mildly close to annoyance in your chest would dissipate into fondness, the kind of fondness you couldn’t ever breathe past.

“i was surprised to see you today. i didn’t think you would come.”

you scoff a little too loudly at the words and he pauses.

“kibum? you’re awake, aren’t you?”

“kibum?”

he shakes you by the shoulder, very tentatively and you laugh under your breath.

“you’re awake.”

“no i’m fast asleep.”

a beat. then he chuckles softly.

“fine. be that way.”

another beat and then he continues talking, picking up from where he left off, as if he still thinks you’re asleep.

“my sister bet you would come and i didn’t believe her. you lost me fifty bucks. but hey, you always loved her didn’t you. sometimes i thought it was more than you love me.”

“…loved. i don’t know. i’d like to think you still love me. somewhere deep inside your stone heart.”

 _but i do love you,_ you want to say. _i never stopped._

but it isn’t the way you should love him; easy and friendly, brothers, best of friends. you love him with almost despair, like every bone in you aches to meld with his. you want him skin to skin, mouth to mouth, soul to soul. you want him in impossibles. you love him in irrationals.

so when you left town, amidst promises to keep in touch, you lied. you stopped replying, stopped answering the phone, stopped calling. you thought erasure would help you forget.

when his sister’s wedding invitation came via mail, you had laughed. you always liked her. and she had always liked you. so in a wild moment of bad decision, you rsvp-ed ‘yes’.

and then you spent most of the wedding dodging the searching eyes of the person you always said was “your best friend”.

when his sister forced him into a cab with you to take you home because she thought you had drunk too much, you hadn’t told them they were too cautious, too careful. that you were still mostly sober. but perhaps you were drunk enough not to argue. perhaps you were drunk enough to let him sling an arm around you and guide you into the car, drunk enough to pretend that you needed to lean against his shoulder for support.

your cheek is still pressed against his shoulder. and he hasn’t moved you yet.

you had never forgotten.

he’s still talking.

“i was really heartbroken when you stopped replying me, you know? and you stopped calling and never answered and you- i lost you. i was angry too but mostly, mostly i just wanted you back.”

“what happened, kibum?”

you don’t answer, and he sighs.

“that’s right, you’re still sleeping.”

“well i’ll just talk then.”

“since you’re sleeping, i’ll tell you a secret. no one really knows this. except my sister probably. but she always knew me too well. you didn’t know either, even though we were best friends.”

he leans forward and his mouth brushes the shell of your ear and when he talks it’s directly into it.

“hey kibum, you know. back then, i was in love with you.”

you freeze and you know he can feel it.

“but that’s not the secret. the secret is  _i still am_.”

your eyes flash open and you think maybe your shock is tangible because he lets out a smug laugh, even if his eyes are nervous.

“don’t fuck with me, jjong.”

“why would i? i’ve never lied, you’re the one who did and you’re the one who disappeared and-”

and you reach up and grip his collar and pull and then you’re kissing him. and he, he’s kissing back, tongue and teeth. desperate, angry, lost.

and found.

when you pull apart he’s looking at you with amusement and understanding.

“is that why-?”

“shut up,” you mutter, averting your gaze.

when he starts laughing, you lean in and kiss him again.


	8. Chapter 8

from the [same list](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com/post/174206422228/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a) as before!

tw!death mention

 

**things you said under the stars and in the grass**

"let's go camping," jonghyun says one day.

"we're too old," kibum replies, eyes still focused on the magazine he's flipping through.

jonghyun crosses the room and lays himself onto kibum's body, stretched out on the couch. "we aren't even 30 yet."

"sometimes around you i feel like i'm 65."

"well  _ i _ feel like i'm 18."

that makes kibum look up from his magazine; his unimpressed snort turning into a fond laugh when he sees jonghyun's pleading expression. he lifts a hand and runs his fingers through jonghyun's hair.

"you're ridiculous."

"that means you'll go with me, right?"

"do you even know how to pitch a tent?"

~-~

jonghyun does not, in fact, know how to pitch a tent, kibum finds out, laughing as he watches his boyfriend struggle with the material. even when kibum steps in, their attempts remain botched and failed. and it's only when a girl from the neighbouring lot takes pity on them that their tent is properly set up.

"we might both be useless," kibum remarks, after they both have effusively thanked the girl.

"that's why we're the perfect match." 

kibum rolls his eyes at jonghyun's answer but doesn't contradict the statement.

"okay let's go barbeque!" jonghyun exclaims, picking up their bag of marinated meat he had insisted kibum needed to prepare, and sprinting to the pits. 

"you're a  _ child _ ," kibum mutters to himself but he's smiling as he chases after jonghyun.

~-~

as day quietly falls into night, jonghyun tugs at kibum's elbow and whispers in his ear. "let's sleep outside, under the stars."

"but- we took so long with the te-" the words die on kibum's tongue when he glances at jonghyun, there's just something so blazingly hopeful and beautiful in his gaze. 

"sleeping under the stars; it's like a fairytale."

"you're a  _ sap _ , why do i love you."

"that means you're okay with that, right?"

kibum sighs. "why do i love you," he repeats.

jonghyun's beam is like beautiful moonlight.

~-~

_ it's kind of peaceful, really, _ kibum thinks later. the sounds of the campsite have faded away, as one by one everyone else slips into their tents. he and jonghyun spread their sleeping bags on the grass outside their tent and lie down on them together. jonghyun reaches over to take his hand, and kibum slidles closer to lean his head against jonghyun's shoulder. the stars twinkle in the sky and it's as if they're the only people on earth.

_ it really is romantic _ , kibum thinks. but he doesn't want to tell jonghyun he was right. 

"kinda romantic, right?" jonghyun's looking at him, and it's just like he's read kibum's mind. his expression is so unguarded and soft that kibum's breath catches in his throat. he prays that he'll get to keep jonghyun forever.

"yeah," kibum says. his fingers tighten around jonghyun's.

"when i die, i want to become a star," jonghyun says, tilting his head so it touches kibum's. 

"don't talk like that."

"it's not scary, not really. death is like going home, i think. no more pain, no more worries, just peace. if i go first, i'll wait for you in the stars. if you go first, then make sure you'll meet me there." 

he brushes his mouth against kibum's forehead. "let's make a promise."

_ i'd promise you the world if it was mine to give, _ kibum thinks. 

"i promise," he says out loud, like a vow, a gift just for the stars and the two of them. 

"i promise too." jonghyun lifts their joined hands and presses his mouth to kibum's knuckles. "we'll be forever."

"only if it's with you."


	9. Chapter 9

**things you said after you kissed me**

_jongkey + bff!minkey_

_from[this list](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com/post/174206422228/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a) and first posted [here](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com/post/175407898563/14-jongkey-also-your-writing-has-a-very-special)._

* * *

 

 

kibum meets jonghyun because of the annual college theatre club extravaganza.

it’s a musical this year; slightly ambitious perhaps, because no one in the theatre club actually studies music. but many can carry a tune, and kibum thought it would be something different, something challenging. kibum himself could read enough music to teach the songs, but not enough to provide accompaniment.

“we need an orchestra,” he informs vice president minho.

“we can’t afford an orchestra,” minho points out, deadpan. “we  _could_  get a pianist.”

kibum scowls. “all musicals have orchestras.”

“not all musicals are held in tiny school halls,” minho replies coolly, digging out his phone to scroll through his contacts. “i could ask taemin to help.”

“taemin? lee taemin? what’s he got to do with this?” the dance club president is familiar to kibum, but he’s not on the level of closeness minho is.

minho raises an eyebrow and speaks slowly in reply. “he’s got a diploma in piano.”

“oh. oh wow. still waters run deep.”

minho snorts, fingers flying over his phone.

“he says he doesn’t quite have confidence to play on that level. and also wants to know why we don’t just use a cd for accompaniment.”

kibum gasps, pressing his hand to his chest. “we  _cannot_  do that. that just  _sullies_  the theatre reputation. live music is  _vital._ ”

“i know you’re the president of the theatre club but your consistent dramatism is actually really unnecessary.”

kibum sticks out his tongue. they have known each other too long, he thinks. at least long enough that minho knows kibum sometimes deliberately exaggerated reactions just to annoy him.

“oh, taemin says he has a friend who performs quite regularly and would be used to this kinda thing though. wanna ask?”

“nothing to lose, i guess.”

“okay. here. his name is kim jonghyun. he’s a music major and-”

kibum sucks in a breath at the name. “oh.”

“oh?” minho is staring at him now, curious glint in his eyes. “you know him?”

“i’ve seen him perform before, i think,” kibum says. “he’s brilliant.”

“then you contact him.” minho grabs kibum’s phone to key in jonghyun’s number.

“what?”

“get to know your crush,” minho says with a wink, shoving kibum’s phone back at him.

“he’s not my! i just-”

kibum’s voice drops to a whisper as minho walks away. “…think he’s kinda incredible.”

~-~

> **to: jonghyun**  
>  hi, is this jonghyun?
> 
> **to: jonghyun**  
>  of course it is. sorry. this is kim kibum. the president of the theatre club? we’re looking for a pianist to help with accompaniment for our musical this year. taemin recommended you. i was just wondering if you would be interested?
> 
> **to: mingo**  
>  oh god i’m awkward /as fuck/, this doesn’t usually happen.
> 
> **from: mingo**  
>  /snorts
> 
> **from: mingo**  
>  he’s just a boy
> 
> **to: mingo**  
>  who’s a genius at the piano. and has an amazing voice and-

kibum doesn’t actually send the last message. it isn’t a crush. not really. it’s more like job envy, perhaps. talent envy. once in school-wide talent show, he’d seen jonghyun accompany himself on the piano and sing. and it was so simple, no theatrics or gimmicks, just his voice. and til now it was still one of the most beautiful things kibum had ever heard. so it’s just talent envy, kind of. 

kibum knows he’s a firecracker on stage, a magnet, and he drew attention with his charisma. but jonghyun, jonghyun is a star, luminous from within.

okay so maybe yes there’s talent envy. but he’s also self aware enough that he knows there’s that shimmering, fluid string of attraction. a little bit. not enough to do anything about it. just enough to acknowledge.

> **from: jonghyun**  
>  hello kibum! yep taeminnie texted me. (^∇^) i def wouldn’t mind! which musical is it? he also said you guys should consider using a music cd but what’s a musical without live music? maybe we could do a mix of live and recorded though. i could call or meet you to discuss this?
> 
> **from: jonghyun**  
>  oh by the way! i think i’ve seen you perform. you were the lead of last year’s play right? you’re a really good actor!! (*^▽^*)
> 
> **to: mingo**  
>  he replied and oh help he’s so /cute/
> 
> **from: mingo**  
>  go get him, tiger
> 
> **to: mingo**  
>  go fuck yourself
> 
> **to: jonghyun**  
>  we’re doing the addams family, have you heard of that? but yeah maybe i could meet you to talk about this? would appreciate your music input too.
> 
> **to: jonghyun**  
>  and yeah. that’s me. thank you. i…really admire you so that means a lot.
> 
> **to: mingo**  
>  jesus fuck i’m embarrassing
> 
> **from: mingo**  
>  eventually i’m gonna ask for screenshots jsyk
> 
> **to: mingo**  
>  i hate you

kibum falls backwards on his bed. he’s not usually this gauche but there’s something disarming about a person who could be so slick and suave on the stage and so full of emojis and exclamation marks on text.

when his phone vibrates, he jumps.

> **from: jonghyun**  
>  okay!! are you free tomorrow afternoon? there’s a dog cafe in town called puppachino which is great, have you heard of it? we can go there. unless you don’t like dogs. let me know if you don’t like dogs. 
> 
> **from: jonghyun**  
>  also. you’re really talented. don’t doubt yourself. (/^▽^)/
> 
> **to: jonghyun**  
>  yeah i know the place. i’ll see you there? around 2? do you know what i look like? and. thank you.
> 
> **from: jonghyun**  
>  yes i know what you look like (*´・ｖ・) seeya!

_this feels like it could be a date_ , kibum thinks. _why does this feel like a date?_

he shakes his head, trying to find a way to re-calibrate himself somehow. god, tomorrow will be very awkward.

~-~

“are you jonghyun?” kibum gingerly taps the shoulder of the boy engrossed in a book.

when the boy looks up and his gaze sharpens on kibum, he smiles, reaching up to slip off his headphones. “yes! hello, kibum right?”

kibum lets out a slow breath. “yes hello.”

jonghyun is thinner than kibum had thought he was, smaller too, almost like his stage persona was an illusion that collapsed back into him. he’s…soft, kibum decides. softly rounded eyes, soft mouth, soft hair falling over his eyelashes. soft like kibum isn’t, with his hard angles and sharp edges and whiplash tongue. he’s really really pretty.

“inconvenient,” kibum mutters under his breath, shaking his head and smiling slightly when jonghyun tilts his head in confusion. jonghyun’s bright smile in return makes him think of starlight.

in between choosing coffee, and petting dogs, they pore over the musical scores, analysing the way it should be sung, the kind of accompaniment it should have, jonghyun’s own confidence in playing it.

“honestly, i can probably play them all pretty well,” jonghyun says with no hint of shame. “but, some songs are just better with an orchestra so if you can’t get one, maybe we can put in the album.” he giggles as kibum’s mouth curves into a pout. “i know, i hate it too. but orchestras are expensive and take up too much space and…yeah.”

“if you think it’s best i’ll allow it,” kibum says, voice low. and jonghyun’s eyes flicker up, face colouring slightly under kibum’s stare.

“yeah, yeah i think it would be a good compromise. i can play some and then for the others you can put on a cd.”

“okay,” kibum says, smiling at him. a real smile, a broad one and for some reason jonghyun’s eyes widen momentarily before he returns it, propping his chin in his hands.

“so, what do you study?”

kibum is taken aback at the abrupt switch in topic and then his smile widens. he hasn’t expected jonghyun to want to stay around longer than necessary.

“i study graphic design,” he says.

“oh?”

jonghyun tilts his head, smiles encouragingly and asks kibum to elaborate. and it’s easy to talk and easy to laugh. and maybe kibum isn’t the only one who’s interested. maybe.

~-~

kibum invites jonghyun to the auditions, and to every rehearsal, and at every instance as he is directing the actors, invites him to give an opinion. soon he starts treating jonghyun like the music director, leaving song interpretation and presentation into his hands, himself focusing on the acting.

and in return jonghyun invites kibum into his life.

it becomes a regular occurrence for him to meet jonghyun every week, at first to run through the script and songs, but later to try new cafes, or an unusual type of food, or just because jonghyun thought kibum might like something. it’s something undefined, a flower bud with infinite possibilities. and kibum feels like he’s holding his breath, just waiting for a sign.

as the weeks slip by and the day of the performance creeps closer, minho takes to lifting his eyebrows in various contortions at kibum from behind jonghyun’s back during rehearsals, sometimes making awful kissy faces. the slowly developing familiarity and closeness between the two is not lost on him, even if kibum has chosen, uncharacteristically, not to tell him about it.

at first, kibum would scowl or throw something at him, and minho would laugh, used to kibum’s various quirks and mannerisms. but once, when kibum gets caught staring too long at jonghyun, lost in thought, minho’s suggestive wink makes him blush and spin around, back facing both jonghyun and minho.

that’s when minho crosses the room quickly, curls his arms around kibum’s waist and balances his chin on kibum’s shoulder. “you really do like him huh?” his tone is more serious than usual. and kibum thinks, not for the first time, that he’s lucky to have minho. lucky to have this kind of unwavering support.

kibum sighs and leans his head back onto minho’s shoulder. “yeah, kind of. i don’t know really.”

minho laughs softly. “well once you figure it out, i’m pretty sure he has a thing for you too, if you were wondering.”

kibum makes a face but doesn’t reply, content to just stay in minho’s hold. when he disentangles himself from minho a while later, he sees jonghyun watching them quietly, a cryptic expression on his face. kibum sends him a quizzical smile, and he smiles back easily but the expression lingers in his eyes.

he’s distant for the rest of the rehearsal, barely coming up to kibum and when he talks it’s distracted. it’s almost like he’s lost in his own world, somewhere kibum isn’t welcome. kibum holds his worry in, directs the cast as usual and tries not to panic.

~-~

“are you and minho dating?” jonghyun’s question comes so quietly and tentative the next time they meet alone that kibum is almost apologetic about barking out a laugh.

“ew, no.  _ew_ ,” he sputters. “we’re just friends. also he’s like straight.”

“oh. you just look really close, that’s all,” jonghyun mutters, pink shading his cheeks, and he looks away.

“i- it’s not like that,” kibum says simply, and he reaches over to squeeze jonghyun’s hand quickly.

when jonghyun looks at him, that same cryptic expression  is on his face again and for just a moment it’s hard for kibum to breathe. he swiftly takes his hand back, almost like touching jonghyun’s skin had scalded it.

then the waitress comes with their drinks and jonghyun starts talking about a lecture he just had and kibum wonders if maybe they missed something; an opportunity, a chance.

~-~

performance day dawns quiet and cold, and together with that is a sense of dread that climbs up kibum’s throat. it’s a new thing for the club, doing a musical, too brave maybe. perhaps that’s why he had pulled in jonghyun, as if such a musically inclined person would be a talisman against failure.

each moment of each scene is an opportunity for anxiety, as he watches from the wings.

jonghyun joins him when he isn’t playing, lending support by mutely curling his fingers around kibum’s wrist. kibum looks over at his stoic serious mien and thinks maybe they should talk after. maybe.

~-~

the first act ends to applause, the loudest kibum has heard since he joined the theatre club, and as the performers stream backstage he hugs each one and thanks them. when jonghyun approaches him, kibum smiles gently. “thank you,” he whispers, “this wouldn’t have been half as good without you.”

“don’t knock your own talent,” jonghyun says, and then he leans in close, eyes intense and before kibum can comprehend what is happening, jonghyun presses his mouth to kibum’s in a chaste tender kiss. kibum gasps against jonghyun’s lips and at the sound jonghyun pulls away hastily.

his eyes are open too wide, something like fear swimming in them.

“i’m sorry,” he says, backing away. “i’m sorry. i don’t know why i did that. or well i do but you probably don’t wanna know and it’s not- why did i. you’re just really pretty, you know and i kinda well-. i’m really sorry, just-”

kibum laughs low in his throat. “you’re babbling,” he points out, voice barely above a whisper. “and i’m not mad at all.”

and then he reaches out and tugs jonghyun in and catches jonghyun’s mouth with his own.

jonghyun falls into the kiss without hesitation, hands running up the planes of kibum’s back and curling around his neck. he lets out an appreciative sound with kibum deepens the kiss and kibum digs his fingers harder into jonghyun’s hips. and that’s when minho clears his throat, loudly, in kibum’s ear.

“there’s still act two, just in case you two forgot,” minho points out dryly, but looks more amused than annoyed.

kibum pulls away from jonghyun to meet the gazes of the rest of the cast, and he’s almost embarrassed to note none of them look particularly surprised. maybe they had been far more obvious than he realised.

“we have some things to talk about, huh?” he whispers to jonghyun.

“i’ll say.”

“later?”

“later.” jonghyun smiles and curves his hand around kibum’s cheek and kibum thinks the world has somehow gotten a lot warmer.


	10. Chapter 10

**things you said after you kissed me**

same prompt, different version

_jongkey + bff!minkey (aka my fave ot3)_

* * *

 

 

“when did you start doing big parties?”

“it’s kind of expected. and i don’t mind.”

“sold out to the jock lifestyle; who’d have thought!”

minho scoffs, eyes rolling to the back of his head, continuing to navigate through the groups of people clustered in various corners of his house. kibum follows behind, unrelenting in his side remarks.

“who knew this many people gave a crap about you turning 24?”

“i think i liked it better when the only time i heard you talk was when i actually wanted to and had to turn on skype.”

“you hurt my feelings, best friend.”

minho ignores him. “if you had come earlier like i said you should, i would have been able to find a group to include you. but no, you insist on being the last one to arrive, and now everyone has cliques and you’re alone.”

“you mean you aren’t going to accompany me the whole time?” kibum pouts and bats his eyelashes at minho and it’s testament to their long friendship that all minho does is scoff and roll his eyes again.

“i need to mingle. it’s my party! next time you should be like jonghyun, he’s alone too so he came early and i introduced him to some people and-” minho pauses, making a sharp detour. “jonghyun,” he mutters. “…jonghyun might be an answer.”

 

“you’re palming me off to someone? what? you’re the worst!” kibum trails after minho, complaints rapidly increasing in volume.

“who’s this ‘jonghyun’ guy anyway, i don’t think i’ve ever heard you mention-” his voice trails off when minho comes to a stop near a sofa where a boy is sitting by himself. he’s got bleached blonde hair and big eyes and he almost seems to be moving in tandem with the music blasting through the speakers. he’s cute, really cute, kibum thinks.

“who’s that?” he whispers to minho.

“ _that_ is jonghyun.” minho raises his eyebrow and grins knowingly at kibum, well aware of kibum’s taste for petite pretty boys.

“oh. well you can  _definitely_  leave me with him, please and thank you.”

“wow, dropped just like that.” but minho is laughing and guiding kibum to the sofa.

“hey jonghyun, this is kibum, my best friend, just moved back here from london. he needs company.”

“this is jonghyun.”

the boy looks up, and he’s all soft eyes and soft hair and tilted head and kibum kind of wants to scoop him up into his hands and keep him.

“wow minho, no further introduction? don’t you think your best friend would want to know how i met you?”

there’s something like mischief in dancing in jonghyun’s gaze now and kibum turns to face minho with curiosity. “actually, yeah. how  _do_  you know jonghyun? i’ve never heard you mention him and i’ve talked to you every day for like 15 years.”

minho closes his eyes momentarily and then starts backing away. “you know what? that’s a great starting point of conversation, get to know each other, make friends! i’ll be the sacrificial lamb but you don’t need me here for this. bye!”

kibum stares quizzically at minho’s quickly retreating back then at a happily laughing jonghyun. “what was that? i’ve never seen him like that.”

“really? guess he filters out stuff when he talks to you.”

“i would certainly hope not.”

“maybe it’s just the really embarrassing ones.” jonghyun’s eyes are dancing with mirth.

“tell the story. now. i demand it.”

“ _do_  you?”

kibum swears he feels a spark flare between them when jonghyun looks searchingly at him. “yes i do.” his voice is lower than normal but maybe that’s just the consequence of the heat that has pricked up his spine.

“he’s going to kill me but he allowed it so!” jonghyun’s voice is light and airy again, as if the blaze of attraction was just an illusion. kibum allows himself only a small moment of regret; pretty boys were a dime a dozen. humiliating stories about minho? not so much.

“i met minho when he joined band in high school-” jonghyun pauses, head tilting again. kibum decides he likes it when jonghyun does that. “which high school did you go to? how come it wasn’t the same one?”

maybe kibum should feel honoured that jonghyun seems interested in him. “my mother got a job in london so we shifted there halfway through middle school. i’m back for good now though.”

“interesting.” there’s a small smile on jonghyun’s mouth; his contemplative gaze still on kibum. and  _oh_ , the heat between them is back with a vengeance.

“i-” kibum swallows. “this is fucking forward and i barely know you but can i kiss you?”

“i think i would very much like that.”

kibum shifts closer to jonghyun, the leather sofa squeaking against his clothes and gingerly presses his lips to the other boy’s. jonghyun responds eagerly, hands rising to tangle in kibum’s hair and kibum slides arms around jonghyun’s waist to pull him closer, fingers trailing under his shirt to press into the bare skin above his jeans waistband. jonghyun makes a sound from the back of his throat when kibum’s fingers graze over his hipbone and kibum clean forgets minho and the party and everything else besides jonghyun’s mouth and tongue and fingers and soft breathless gasps.

“i  _still_  don’t know the story about minho,” kibum mutters when they pull apart. they’ve somehow ended up lying flat on the sofa, jonghyun pressed close on top of kibum.

“that’s what you want to say after you kiss me?” jonghyun’s tone is affronted but his smile is amused.

kibum laughs lowly and lazily tugs jonghyun in again. he thinks he wants to get used to kissing him.

(“i said make friends! not make out!”

“it prevented me from finding out the embarrassing how you met jonghyun story.”

“oh, in that case, kiss away!”

..

“i’ll tell you another time.”

“i hope there are plenty of other times.”)


	11. Chapter 11

**things you said with no space between us**

_r_

* * *

 

it's jonghyun who cracks first. 

"i love you," he chokes out, so close to finishing he's run out of breath. "i love you" instead of kibum's name. "i love you i love you i love you." like it's a secret he can no longer keep under wraps. "i love you." like they're the only words left on his tongue, in his mind, on his lips.

"i love you." turning into a scream as he orgasms, arching into kibum's body.

kibum doesn't reply. just hooks jonghyun's legs tighter around him, as if he didn't hear the words. and when he comes, he hisses out jonghyun's name like a swear. 

kibum is silent when he pulls out, silent as he turns away, silent back like a forbidding barrier against jonghyun's declarations.

jonghyun closes his eyes; cursing his earnest heart and reckless tongue. "i love you" is an unspoken ban between them. yet the heady feelings are still throbbing in his veins, and he is unrepentant.

"i love you." when he repeats it this time, he's clear headed and sure. kibum's answer is a sigh, almost inaudible.

when he turns back around to face jonghyun, there are tears rimming his eyes. letting out a soft gasp, jonghyun reaches out, palm cradling kibum's face, thumb pushing the tears away.

kibum's hand reaches up to cover jonghyun's, fingers slotting in the spaces between and when he leans close to kiss jonghyun, the words are there in his mouth.

_ i love you too. _


	12. Chapter 12

**things you said at 1 am**

_jongkey/conversation only fic_

 

* * *

 

“you know the book by roald dahl?”

“he wrote many books, jjong.”

“that one with the giant and the little girl. it was made into a movie. you hated it.”

“…the bfg?”

“yeah that one! remember how the little girl thought it was the witching hour because it was so dark and quiet?”

“yes..?”

“what if it’s the witching hour now?”

“well, i can still hear our neighbour screaming karaoke so i really don’t think we have that quiet part down.”

“shh, kibum. just imagine.”

“you want to be kidnapped by a giant?”

“no. we’re adults. we’ll be captured by a tiny fairy who’ll whisk us to fairy land and it’ll be full of greenery and beautiful flowers…”

“you are 25 years old, jjong.”

“shh. if you listen carefully you can hear her creeping to the window now.”

“you’re very cute when you’re like this.”

“do you really think so?”

“i’ve been with you for 7 years. if i didn’t think so we wouldn’t be lying in the same bed right now. but go on, what else will fairy land have.”

“a huge golden bed and food served directly to us there so we don’t ever have to get off it.”

“….”

“great place, yes?”

“was this just an elaborate ploy to ask me to stay in tomorrow.”

“we never have days off that synchronise! and you want to go to the supermarket and the bank!”

“there are errands to run and-”

“…”

“kissing me is not an accepted method of persuasion.”

“i can think of a lot more we can do in that vein…”

“you’re ridiculous.”

“thank you.”

“don’t grin at me like that.”

“like what?”

“like you know you’re going to get your way.”

“am i?”

“the bank can wait. and you’re right, we rarely have a day off at the same time…”

“then i declare it starts now!”

“jjong!”


	13. Chapter 13

**flowers for you** ; jongkey/pg

_written for a request on[tumblr](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com/post/175808517743/from-kalilovesyou-hello-i-have-a-request)._

* * *

 

 

the first time kibum finds a flower next to him when he wakes up, it’s an azalea. the pink petals graze against his face when he turns to search for jonghyun and he picks the flower up with a bemused smile.

meandering into the kitchen, he finds jonghyun at the stove. slipping an arm around jonghyun’s waist, he waves the flower at him. “what’s this?”

“a flower,” jonghyun says.

“i know that, i meant what’s it for?” kibum sleepily tucks his head into jonghyun’s neck.

“it’s for you. i saw it when i took a walk this morning so i picked it.”

“a walk? what time did you get up? it’s barely 9.”

“i don’t know. 5?”

“god, jjong. is your insomnia getting to you again? wake me up next time.”

jonghyun shakes his head, reaching up and interlacing their fingers. “it’s okay. you looked peaceful. and i was fine.”

kibum presses a soft kiss on jonghyun’s neck. “please take care of yourself. or at least let me take care of you.”

“that’s the meaning of the flower actually; take care of yourself. it also means fragile passion but i like to think our passion is anything but fragile.”

kibum laughs softly. “i love you.”

“i know.”

~-~

in the days after that, kibum finds a flower on his pillow every morning. cherry blossoms, roses, tulips. blue red green yellow. and he’s worried almost as much as he’s touched.

“you’re silly,” he tells jonghyun one morning, using the flower, a plum blossom this time, to hit his face gently.

“it’s a sign of my love,” jonghyun replies, eyebrows raised, lips in a pout.

kibum kisses the pout off his face. “i don’t need flowers as signs when i have you. please sleep.”

“you worry too much,” jonghyun says, lifting kibum’s hair away from his face. “i’m okay, i promise.”

“i love you.”

“i know.”

~-~

it’s about three months later when kibum wakes up on a saturday to a deeply asleep jonghyun next to him and no flower. he sits up in bed, traces the dark shadows under jonghyun’s eyes and presses a kiss to the delicate skin there.

slightly amused at this reversal of roles, he slips out to buy breakfast. and it’s when he’s walking back up the road to their apartment block that he sees a bush of pink and blossomed azaleas.

it’s partially a joke when he picks one, partially sentiment and the thought of jonghyun’s soft eyes.

“good morning love.” jonghyun’s awake when kibum gets back, tousled hair and blankets pooled at his waist. “i got us breakfast.”

“morning,” jonghyun says, mouth open in a yawn, balled up hands rubbing his eyes.

“you slept,” kibum says. he crosses over to run fingers through jonghyun’s hair.

“i did.” without warning, jonghyun leans bodily into kibum, and they both lose their balance, falling flat onto the bed. jonghyun readjusts without much thought, positioning himself carefully onto kibum.

“you’re like a baby koala,” kibum mutters. jonghyun’s reply is a yawn, followed by him nuzzling closer to kibum.

“i brought you a flower,” kibum whispers, lifting the pink bloom still clenched in his hand, letting the petals dance over jonghyun’s face. “sign of our love, right?”

“i love you,” jonghyun whispers, reaching out to clutch at it.

“i know,” kibum replies, brushing his mouth over jonghyun’s hair. “i love you too. so much.”


	14. Chapter 14

**caramel latte soy milk extra shot**

_jongkey/g_

 

“oh hey, i know you. you’re ‘caramel latte soy milk extra shot!’”

kibum stares blankly at the boy he had just inadvertently collided with in the middle of the busy airport where he was waiting for his cousin’s arrival. “did you just-  _quote_  my entire starbucks order at me?”

the boy cocks his head and laughs. “was i right?”

kibum squints; taking a closer look at his starbucks stalker. styled platinum hair, dagger earrings, large eyes ringed with eyeliner, and a pair of soft lips currently stretched into a huge grin. if he took away the hair gel and the earrings and the makeup, the face was kinda familiar.

“almost uncannily so…are you… that new barista? the one who’s always singing?”

“you notice my singing?” the boy’s smile softens, like candle wax under fire.

“yeah, your voice is pretty,” kibum glances away, unreasonably embarrassed, and deftly changes the subject. “you look so different like this.”

the boy giggles lightly. “i do have more clothes than just a green apron, you know.”

he’s cute, kibum acknowledges. really cute. and he’s about to ask for a name when he hears a sharp bellow of “kibum!” in minho’s almost too annoying baritone voice from behind him. he glances back on instinct and when his gaze returns to coffee boy, the boy tips an imaginary hat and darts off.

“dammit minho,” kibum mutters as his cousin crowds closer and pulls him into a hug.

“what?!”

“i was talking to a cute boy!” kibum wails.

“there there,” minho says, patting his shoulder. “cute boys are a dime a dozen, your beloved cousin coming for a visit from out of town? that’s a rarity, like finding a perfect pearl.” kibum rolls his eyes at the words, then turns to greet the rest of minho’s family.

~-~

coffee boy isn’t there when kibum goes for his regular serving the next week after minho goes back home. he isn’t there the next day either. or the next. in fact, he doesn’t see coffee boy for a week.

“uh? where’s the other guy?” he finally feels compelled to ask, about 8 days in.

the bubbly girl with spiked up hair who’s replaced kibum’s coffee boy glances up at him. “other guy?”

“yeah, blonde hair. big eyes. kinda short?”  _really cute,_  he thinks and thankfully doesn’t say.

“oh. you mean  _jonghyun_.” the girl stresses the name, grinning impishly. she tilts her head and stares at him for what feels like minutes, almost as if she’s assessing kibum. “come back at lunch hour.”

“okay?” kibum takes his drink and slowly meanders back to the office. apparently the girl knows him. or something. there was weight in her stare, most of it a kind of secret amusement.

~-~

“starbucks for lunch? you okay there, kibum?” jinki’s puzzled frown is adorable.

“just felt like it,” kibum says airily.

his colleague scoffs. “who’s the guy?”

“ _no one_.”

“there’s almost definitely  _someone_. you never go back to the same place two meals in a row and you already got a quiche and a coffee this morning.”

damn jinki and his far too astute nature.

“fine. the barista is cute okay! and he remembers my order and then he  _changed shift_.”

jinki grins. “who am i to stand in the way of fairy tale endings? go run after your barista charming.”

“oh shut it.” kibum scowls at him but jinki is too used to his moods to do anything but throw back his head and laugh.

~-~

“oh you really came back!” the girl is at the counter this time. she inputs the cost of his sandwich then grins brightly at him. “caramel latte soy milk extra shot?”

kibum stares at her unblinking. “does  _everyone_  know my order?”

“nah jonghyun just talks too much.” she puts on a cutesy voice. “'caramel latte soy milk extra shot! and he’s tall and he always gives his name as key and he has really really pretty lips’. it would be adorable if he didn’t go on so much.”

“oh. wow.” kibum takes his card and sandwich and walks slowly to an unoccupied table. so the barista  _really_  paid attention to him. that was weirdly flattering. mildly creepy too.

when his drink is placed gently in front of him, he jolts and looks up. his coffee boy is standing there, nervous smile on his mouth. “caramel latte soy milk extra shot. so we meet again.”

kibum laughs. “indeed.” then with a slight smirk. “so you think i have pretty lips, huh?”

there’s a pause as if jonghyun needs to process the words. then he drags a palm across his face. “knew i shouldn’t have told amber. how much did she say?”

kibum laughs in reply, waving a hand to the empty seat opposite him. “do you want to join me and find out?”

jonghyun’s eyes widen at kibum’s request and he doesn’t speak for a moment. the smile on his mouth is like a slowly blossoming flower. after a quick glance over his shoulder, he slips into the chair. “for a while.” he reaches out a hand. “hi, i’m jonghyun.”

jonghyun’s hand is warm, just like his smile.

“i’m kibum.”


	15. Chapter 15

**you’re tied to me**

_jongkey/pg_

in which jonghyun is bad at tying ties and kibum is not.

* * *

 

when kibum opens the door, it’s to jonghyun gazing up at him with wide hopeful eyes. he’s dressed up – in a shirt and slacks, blazer slung over one arm. his other arm is outstretched, a loose tie in his fist. kibum’s stare moves down to said tie after jonghyun starts waving it.

“are you serious, jjong? did you just walk two blocks to my apartment to get me to tie that for you?” despite the vexed exclamation, kibum shifts to the side to let him in.

 

jonghyun’s bottom lip extends out. “but you do it best!”

kibum sighs, taking the tie off jonghyun’s hand. “come here.”

grinning now, jonghyun jogs closer to kibum, letting him loop the tie around his collar and start expertly working on the knot.

it’s not unfamiliar. they grew up together, he and jonghyun. childhood neighbours who ended up bound at the hip. and that carried on throughout their school days until college. from the age of 16 when their school started implementing ties, jonghyun had presented himself in front of kibum for him to do it. it was always done with a roll of eyes and then an obliging twist of fingers.

when they started renting rooms in different apartments after graduating college, it stopped becoming as regular.

“when was the last time i did this for you?” kibum asks.

“before college graduation, when we were still roommates,” jonghyun answers, far too quickly, in kibum’s opinion.

“so who’s been doing this for you since then?”

“no one.” jonghyun’s voice is soft and serious. and it’s such a different tone of voice that kibum looks up, meeting jonghyun’s gaze head-on. it occurs to him that jonghyun has always looked at him like that, alarmingly tender, like he’s the only one in the room. his eyes drop almost unconsciously to jonghyun’s mouth; and it rushes up at him, the attraction. always carefully camouflaged, uncalled for, and unnecessary. the reason why he told jonghyun they shouldn’t room together after graduation.

there’s that too sudden awareness that if he moved just a step closer, their mouths could brush and hold. the desperate wonder about what jonghyun’s lips would feel like moving under his. the tie in his hands has become a puzzle he doesn’t know how to solve.

“bum? you okay? your ears have gone all red.”

“i-” kibum’s hands clench on the fabric. “give me a sec. i’ve forgotten-” _how to breathe_.

when his eyes focus on jonghyun’s face, jonghyun’s mouth curls into a smirk, and it looks almost like invitation. “unless i’m sorely mistaken, you were looking at my mouth.”

“i- jesus. fuck.” kibum tugs at the tie still in his hands, and jonghyun lets himself be pulled forward. when their mouths meet, jonghyun is laughing against kibum’s lips.

“how long?” kibum asks later.

the way jonghyun gazes at him from under his lashes makes kibum breath catch. “since i was 15,” he admits easily.

“wow.”

“yeah. wow.” jonghyun shifts to press himself closer into kibum’s side, and the starch of his shirt reminds kibum how they had gotten there.

“don’t you have some sort of event?”

jonghyun merely rests his head against kibum’s shoulder. “it’s just a dinner with my relatives. if i tell my mum we got together i’ll be forgiven.”

kibum shakes his head, laughing fondly. “i guess you’ll always use me to get out of trouble with your mum, huh?”

jonghyun nods firmly. “always.”

“always,” kibum echoes, sliding an arm around jonghyun’s waist to pull him closer still. “that sounds nice.”


	16. Chapter 16

**boxes**

_jongkey/r_

they’re not very good at this unpacking thing.

_in the same universe as[ cat’s cradle](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fworks%2F6829711%2Fchapters%2F15588877&t=NmZkMmE0NGM0MmExYjI5ZDAxODAzODYwY2ZkYjZlM2NhMGJmOTNmMSwxN2M0NzA4ZmE5MTk4ZmJhNWU0MGZlOGZmY2U1NzRkYjUwNTkyZDkw)_

_this happened bc i just decided i wanted to write dumb fic where jongkey make out lol..well this case slightly more than that but._

* * *

 

“why do you own so many clothes?” jonghyun grouses, as he heaves another box over the threshold.

“you’re one to talk,” kibum retorts, putting down the box in his own arms. “you had two boxes of anime dvds.”

“as if  _you_  didn’t have two boxes of disney dvds,” jonghyun rejoins, placing the box near the wall, crossing his arms and scowling at kibum.

“well,  _half_  of these are your scores!” kibum says, hands on his hips.

they glare at each other for a long moment, unspeaking, dogs running around their legs, before kibum’s mouth quirks up into a smile. jonghyun’s eyes flicker to his mouth and he starts smiling too, and then they’re both laughing, the kind of belly laughs that are free and too loud.

“i’m sorry,” kibum says, between gasping breaths. “i’ve been really cranky over this whole moving process, huh?”

jonghyun strides closer and crosses arms around kibum’s waist. “it’s okay,” he says, soothingly. “i’ve been incredibly grumpy too.”

“moving is not fun,” kibum mutters, nuzzling into jonghyun’s neck.

jonghyun hums. “it’ll be worth it when we can wake up together every day,” he says, shifting so they’re pressed closer together. the red string thrums between them, like it can feel the rush of their heartbeats.

after a long while, kibum fidgets, his hand lifting to fiddle with the hair at the back of jonghyun’s head. “hey jjong?”

“yeah?”

“did you close the door?”

jonghyun pulls away slightly so he can look at kibum’s face. “yeah i did? why?”

“good. because i wanna blow you,” kibum whispers, his eyes are pinned to jonghyun, dark promise swimming in them, his mouth is slightly open, the tip of his tongue peeking out. the air between them seems to be charged.

“that’s…very random,” jonghyun replies, already feeling his stomach tighten and his body rise to the invitation in kibum’s face.

kibum grins, his hands lowering to play with the waistband of jonghyun’s jeans.

“bum, we need to unpack-” his attempt at protest falls into a groan as kibum slides down, quick fingers undoing the clasp, pressing his tongue to the skin above jonghyun’s boxers.

“you sure?” kibum looks up at jonghyun, innocence in his eyes, finger tracing patterns over jonghyun’s groin.

“shut up and blow me,” jonghyun mutters, sliding his fingers into kibum’s hair.

kibum laughs.

they don’t actually get to unpacking until much much later.

 

[[follow up:

“i have an idea,” kibum says, looking up from where he’s still kneeling between jonghyun’s legs.

“what idea?” jonghyun asks, still breathless from his orgasm. kibum’s mouth stretches into a devious smile. there’s a smudge of white on the corner of his mouth and as jonghyun stares, his tongue slips out to lap at it. jonghyun swallows, stomach tightening again with arousal and desire. kibum’s eyes track the bob of his throat, gaze knowing and smug.

“the furniture is all in, right?”

jonghyun has learned that innocuous questions are not at all innocuous when kibum is in a mood. “yes?” he replies.

kibum’s fingers wander up to trace the outlines of jonghyun’s stomach muscles. “we could go try out the bed, and the desk chairs, and test how stable the table is, and the shower…” he says casually.

“kibum-” jonghyun’s voice trails off when he realises he cannot think of any reason why not.

kibum straightens up, leaning in to kiss him, and jonghyun can feel his boyfriend’s hardness against him. he reaches out to palm it, grinning when kibum lets out a needy mewl into his mouth. “ we have time to procrastinate, i guess,” jonghyun whispers, voice rough, slowly kneading his hand into kibum’s erection. when kibum replies, his voice is shaky. “ glad we’re on the same page.”

jonghyun grins, sliding kibum’s jeans zipper down and reaching in to grip him. kibum clutches at his shoulders and gasps out a whimper.

living together will be fun, jonghyun thinks.]]


	17. Chapter 17

**your voice lingers on my skin**

_jongkey/pg_

Synesthesia (n): a neuropsychological trait in which the stimulation of one sense causes the involuntary experience of another sense.

sometimes when jonghyun hears sounds, he feels touch too.

_tumblr prompt fill!_

* * *

taemin’s voice comes with the touch of fingers pressing into his upper arm, minho’s with wind brushing past the top of his head, jinki’s with the heat of sunshine on his shoulders, kibum’s…

kibum’s is just kibum.

when jonghyun tells them, taemin hits him on the upper arm, minho ruffles his hair, jinki smiles, and kibum, he just laughs. it’s supposed to sound unconcerned probably, amused perhaps, but to jonghyun’s ears it’s sharp and grating, forced.

they continue eating dinner like it’s another topic to be passed over, the fact that sometimes sound comes with touch for jonghyun, and maybe to the rest of them it is, but kibum pokes at his food and his laughter is still strained, and there’s something desperate and scared on the edges of his smile. and jonghyun, who always notices kibum, can’t look away.

but that isn’t new either, because for jonghyun, kibum is the centre, his axis, and his gaze always gets tangled up in his smile, and his hair and in between his long fingers. and maybe it’s terribly desperate and obvious, but usually kibum doesn’t mind, will reach over to clasp jonghyun’s hand and intertwine their fingers, press a kiss to his forehead, for all the world like jonghyun is his axis too.

there’s a knot in the base of his throat that he cannot laugh away, and he’s wondering if he shouldn’t have told them, if he should have kept it quiet like another secret, but he hates secrets, hates pretending, hates lying. he’s jonghyun who keeps his heart on his sleeve, says what he means, means what he says, laughs and cries too easily and kibum, at least, always professes to love that.

maybe the jittering under his skin is obvious, because as the evening draws to a close, the other three make their excuses and leave quickly, so it’s just jonghyun sitting at the table watching kibum tear his napkin into shreds. when jonghyun reaches a hand over, kibum’s fingers still and he looks up.

“what’s wrong?” jonghyun tries to pretend he doesn’t see kibum flinch at the question.

“it’s stupid.” his fingers move to start destroying the napkin again and jonghyun closes his hand over kibum’s.

“i know i always say this, but nothing you ever feel is stupid.”

kibum sighs, eyes finally landing on jonghyun’s. “i don’t like the fact that my voice doesn’t have that extra-” he waves his free hand aimlessly in the air. “-thing the rest have.  _i’m_  your boyfriend, i should get the wind in the hair or whatever. it’s not fair.” his lower lip juts out and then he lets out a mocking laugh at the expression on jonghyun’s face – probably incredulity. “see i told you it’s stupid.”

jonghyun can’t help the smile that is crawling up his face. “it’s not stupid, i promise,” he says, but all too soon he’s laughing. and kibum is still frowning, but there’s slight amusement on the edges of the frown, and jonghyun thinks things may not end up too terrible.

he shifts to the seat just next to kibum, and leans in close. “when you smile, my chest grows warm, like my heart’s on fire, when you laugh, butterflies flutter in my stomach, when you moan, shivers go up my spine, when you call my name, it feels like my heart wants to jump out of my rib cage just so it gets to you quicker.”

kibum’s eyes are wide and focused on him, and jonghyun reaches up to trace a finger over his cheekbone. “my body knows your voice,  _i_  know it by heart, written in my skin and bones and i don’t need whatever this is to feel your touch whenever i hear it, i just do.”

“i love you,” kibum says when jonghyun stops talking, voice choked. “i love you. i love you.”

he’s still repeating this litany when he leans forward to press his lips to jonghyun’s, winding arms around his neck, and as jonghyun kisses him back, he thinks this is one touch he would want to keep forever.


	18. Chapter 18

**stormy weather**

based on a prompt:  _The bus broke down near your house, I know we’re not super close but I live three miles away and this storm is horrible, can I stay over?_

* * *

 

 

it’s one of those monsoon days again. kibum sighs, leaning his head against the bus window and glaring at the rain pelting against the glass. it’s still a while to his house, probably at least 30 minutes; with this storm, more likely 45. he settles further into the uncomfortable seat and attempts to relax his stiff shoulders. hours hunched over a computer is not how he envisioned his life going, but accountancy is a steady job and usually he doesn’t mind the numbers and the regularity. not today though. today it’s cold and muggy and he really rather be home sleeping. or at least curled in a chair with his puppies and a book.

he sighs again, maybe too loudly, because the man in the seat across the aisle from him looks over with a smile. “weather getting you down?”

it’s kim jonghyun. he’s a quiet man in the human resources department. he deals with their pay. or something. kibum’s not all that sure. sometimes he’ll see jonghyun when he has receipts to claim, and because they catch the same bus every morning and evening, most times they’d make small talk at the bus stop, but that’s pretty much it. jonghyun always takes out his headphones on the bus and if he finds a seat will settle in and close his eyes; and kibum likes to watch the road and the surroundings, work is draining enough without having to awkwardly socialise after that.

jonghyun is funny though and really cute; big eyes, nice hands, kissable mouth. but kibum notices that fleetingly and tells himself he has zero intention of doing anything about it. he likes talking to him, but he figures that’s all it will be.

“it’s just so….wet,” he says in reply to jonghyun, getting a soft laugh in response.

“rain does get like that.” it’s light, teasing, and kibum can’t help laughing a little too.

jonghyun’s voice, it’s like caramel. the warm, thick kind that slips easily down your throat. he likes listening to it.

any reply kibum can make is lost when the bus jerks; engines whirring rapidly before going alarmingly silent. there’s a minute of complete quiet among the passengers before the lack of movement starts a buzz of curiosity. beside him, jonghyun swears under his breath.

the engine revs again, once, twice, like a drowning person gasping for air before the bus again judders into silence and the defeated weary driver comes out to announce the bad news of a breakdown.

kibum sighs again, hearing it echoed across the vehicle. breakdowns are an inconvenience on a normal day, but today, when the rain is pelting down and the roads are packed with cars boot to bumper, alternative transport turning into a myth, it’s an impossibility. the trek off the bus seems to take a lifetime.

“fuck,” he mutters to himself, the swear word sweet on his tongue. “i might have to sleep at this bus stop.” he’s in the midst of calculating the depth of his best friend’s love and thus his willingness to drive down and pick him up, when a tentative hand touches his shoulder.

“hey…just wanted to say bye?” jonghyun gestures to the road behind him. “my place is near the next stop so i’m just going to walk. hope you get home safe.”

kibum nods mutely, smile almost a reflex. but as jonghyun turns to go, his hand shoots out to grab jonghyun’s sleeve, abruptly halting his movement.

“uh. this is forward, and i know you don’t know me  _at all_  and you can definitely say no but…can i stay over? it’s just…my apartment is really far, like i’ll need 30 more minutes on the bus and with traffic and the rain…” kibum gestures meaningfully at their surroundings. he doesn’t know where the idea has come from and in any other circumstance he would probably never be this bold. but desperate times call for desperate measures and maybe he’ll never have his claims approved ever now but at least he tried?

jonghyun’s expression shifts from surprise to understanding and then amusement and when kibum stops talking to take a breath, he shrugs. “sure,” he says, with a grin.

kibum blinks, mouth dropping open. it seems almost far too easy. “wait you’re serious.”

jonghyun tilts his head to the side. “yes? why did you ask if you’d already decided i’d say no?”

kibum waves his hand. “i don’t know? desperate times desperate measures? you never know until you ask? but…you’re really serious.”

“sure. i have a couch and a shower. it’s no big deal.” jonghyun looks like he’s on the verge of bemused laughter.

“okay let me just…text my best friend to feed my dogs and i- thank you thank you.”

jonghyun shrugs, smiling again. “you’re welcome. come on!” he pivots and sets off. and it takes kibum far too long to snap back to attention, open his umbrella and follow jonghyun as he makes his way steadily through the rain.

~-~

**to minho:**

not home tonight, can you feed the children?

**from minho:**

why do you persist in talking to me like we’re co-parenting.

**from minho:**

and wow. whose bed are you in tonight? eyeball emoji

**to minho:**

we /are/ co-parents. please feed the children.

**to minho:**

not like that you dirty-minded gossip. my colleague is letting me crash bc the bus broke down and it’s awful out here. you’re lucky you do your online shit.

**from minho:**

you don’t call it shit when you’re playing with all the pr i get. and yes i’ll feed the kids. what kind of neglectful ass do you even think i am?

~-~

“i have a dog too,” jonghyun says as he jiggles the key in the door, the first words he’s said since they began the rainy trek to his house.

“what breed?” kibum asks, relief flooding through his chest. there’s something about dogs that makes everything much less awkward. jonghyun doesn’t answer, just smiles and carefully opens the door. when he lets out a soft whistle, a dachshund peeks out of the door, nose first, then the rest of its body. kibum releases a delighted breath. “oh it’s lovely.”

the dog wriggles in happiness, tail wagging and hurtles towards jonghyun. jonghyun chuckles, leaning down to pick it up. that’s when it notices kibum, going still and gazing at him through wide eyes. “she’s shy,” jonghyun explains, affection clear in his voice. kibum draws closer, letting the dog sniff at his hand, and then gingerly runs fingers over her head. he supposes it’s a good sign that she doesn’t growl, just lets out a muffled wuff that isn’t unhappy.

“her name is roo,” jonghyun murmurs, so softly it’s like he’s talking to himself. “my sister got her for me when i moved out. she was scared i’d be ‘lonely’.” he presses his nose into her neck. “i don’t know if i would have been lonely, but with her i definitely haven’t.”

kibum says nothing, just continues brushing his fingers over roo’s fur. it’s like a spell has spun over them, and he’s afraid of breaking it.

there’s a long moment of quiet before jonghyun shakes himself out of his thoughts, laughing apologetically and tightening his arms around roo. “oh, you probably need dry clothes,” he says, glancing at the rainwater dripping off them. kibum grimaces. “god i really am sorry i’m imposing on you. this is such an inconvenience, remind me to buy you dinner after this.”

the corner of jonghyun’s mouth quirks up. “it’s not that big a deal. well, unless you snore. in which case you can sleep outside in the rain,” he teases. there’s a beat then “i’d gladly take up the offer of dinner though”, almost too casually, eyes carefully averted from kibum’s.

kibum doesn’t have time to ponder the expression on his face because jonghyun makes a turn and strides with purpose further into the house, disappearing into one of the rooms. when he comes out a few minutes later there’s a grin playing on his mouth. “catch,” he calls, and before kibum can react, a white towel is thrown over, followed by a pair of pink pants and a grey tee shirt. kibum shrieks a little, grappling with the sudden influx of cloth. he can hear jonghyun’s laughter dimly in the background.

“we’re not even friends!” he wants to exclaim. but when he looks up, jonghyun is laughing, shoulders shaking, his eyes creased up and kibum just stares at him for a long moment, a fond warmth lighting in his chest. he thinks maybe somehow, in between the weeks of talking at the bus stop, bonding about the rain, and dogs and jonghyun’s snorting laughter, maybe they have become a form of that.

~-~

jonghyun points out the bathroom before slipping into his own room to shower and kibum is left alone. way too trusting, kibum thinks, wry smile twisting on his mouth. he shakes his head and walks into the bathroom (white floor, green walls, some sort of citrus air freshener), uses the soap and shampoo (also citrus scented) and pulls on the borrowed clothes (soft, clean. the pants are printed with a pattern of teddy bears. kibum finds himself smiling fondly.)

when he finishes, and walks out, towel wrapped around his head, jonghyun still isn’t done, and kibum can just hear a muffled melody from behind the closed door of his room. it sounds almost like jonghyun is singing. he just holds himself back from listening at the door, instead spins around, taking in the simply furnished apartment; photo frames are scattered across nearly every surface – jonghyun with a girl and an older woman, jonghyun carrying a guitar, flanked by three other boys, a whole range of photos of roo, jonghyun awkward and stiff in graduation robes; a tall shelf of what looks like anime dvds; an honest to god vinyl player; framed black and white movie posters; surrealist art prints…

there’s a room just beyond the bathroom with the door slightly ajar, and kibum finds he wants to slip in, wants to explore, wants to understand this boy whose apartment he’s been so generously invited into…he’s hesitating outside it when the singing stops and jonghyun steps out of his room, towel hanging around his neck. his gaze skims over kibum’s frozen frame, and a tiny smile lights on his mouth. “sorry the pants are so short.”

kibum chokes out an awkward laugh. “they’re fine.” that was not what he expected. an unwanted guest trying to peer into what must be a private room should warrant some form of aggression. right? not a bright grin and sparkling eyes?

“are you hungry? i have leftover stew but i kinda feel like getting chinese. you okay with that?” jonghyun has retrieved a takeaway menu from somewhere and is waving it at kibum and okay, it really seems he’s just going to ignore the fact that kibum is standing outside a room with every intention of peeking in. kibum can feel guilt pressing a staccato rhythm over his ribs. “yeah, chinese is okay,” he replies, and jonghyun grins, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“i’ll just call then-”

“are you  _seriously_  not going to yell at me for trying to pry?”

and okay, that came out really wrong. jonghyun stares at him, eyes and mouth open in mute shock. kibum drags his hand over his face. “sorry sorry, that seriously came out wrong. i’m sorry, i’m a curious person and the door was half-open and i just wanted to know what kind of person would just let a stranger into their house- not that i’m a stranger exactly per se but well i’m definitely a stranger in all things that matter and i know i’m terribly nosey and it was an awful invasion of your privacy well an almost invasion and i- my best friend says i’ll get hit one day and you can totally hit me but please don’t kick me out i’m warm and dry and going out into the rain again would be awful and-  _are you laughing_?”

because jonghyun is, eyes crinkled up, one hand raised to cover his mouth, shoulders shaking. and it’s kibum’s turn to stare with eyes and mouth wide. by the time jonghyun finishes laughing, kibum’s shock has softened into a confused smile.

“you’re not mad,” he observes.

“nah,” jonghyun says, shrugging. “i don’t have anything to hide. it isn’t bluebeard’s room or anything like that. and sure it was a bit rude but you didn’t actually do anything.”

“you’re weird,” kibum says quietly. “but thank you.”

jonghyun shrugs again, but this one comes with a small smile aimed at kibum. kibum tells himself the fluttering in his stomach is because of the apprehension.

jonghyun walks past kibum and pushes the door fully open. “so you wanted to see?”

kibum releases a long breath. “you’re  _really_ weird.”

“i just don’t see the point of being mysterious,” jonghyun says. “life is easier if people say what they mean and mean what they say.”

“that has nothing to do with wanting some things kept private though,” kibum argues.

“i have many things kept private,” jonghyun replies, firm. “this isn’t one of them.” he gestures kibum closer, seemingly bent on showing him.

the first thing kibum sees is a little corner dedicated to roo, food, treats, outfits, toys, leashes and collars, and he laughs a little. but when his gaze sweeps further, he realises the room is actually a studio of sorts, video recording setup, microphone, lighting, and in the centre, a keyboard and a guitar against an oddly familiar backdrop – a gradient of blue to black with the glint of silver stars. kibum knows the backdrop, thinks he might even know the entire set-up. the memory of fingers dancing across keys and a mellow voice singing is surprising but perhaps not entirely unexpected.

“you’re…bluemoon948,” he whispers, not a question. the mysterious youtube musician who never shows his face, always films from below his eyes, focus on his hands on the keyboard, or guitar. kibum has been obsessed (according to minho) for over a year.

jonghyun blinks and his mouth drops open. “well, i definitely did not expect that.”

“oh my god, i love your music? i downloaded your stuff and listen to them all the time and i would pay for an album and your music is incredible and fuck why aren’t you doing more, why are you working in human resources?” kibum realises he’s babbling but can’t seem to stop. he’s done a lot of strange things in the hour or so since he’s entered jonghyun’s house. and jonghyun…jonghyun is laughing again.

“i have like 2000 subscribers,” he says, between snorts of laughter. “i did not expect to find one in my workplace. of all things.”

“minho wanted to collab with you!” kibum exclaims. “i found you by accident somehow and i talked so much about you that he said he’d get you on his channel. did he ever?”

“minho?”

“charmingchoi. please don’t ask, it’s gross and disgusting but it’s what he uses on twitch and then he got into vlogs too and yes my best friend is a youtuber.” when kibum makes a face, jonghyun makes one back.

“i remember him messaging me,” jonghyun says, “it would have been a good chance if i wanted to get bigger, he has like 2 million followers or something, right?”

“almost 3 mil now,” kibum replies.

“whoa. but i like being anonymous. i don’t really want to be a ‘youtuber’ you know? i just want to write my music. sometimes i send in stuff to recording companies and they buy the rights, so that’s cool too. it’s like a fun side thing that sometimes gives me money. no pressure. i like it like that.”

kibum stares at jonghyun, so calmly sure in the way his dreams and life have unfolded. he suddenly wants to tell him about his dreams of dancing, of singing, composing, being up on stage with the spotlights and screams, and how when audition after audition failed he veered determinedly in the opposite direction, a regular job, a structured type of background job, quiet and behind the scenes and definitely not in the spotlight. never in the spotlight.

he doesn’t tell him.

“i’ve never seen you in minho’s videos,” jonghyun is saying.

“nah, i don’t like that. i don’t want to be recognised as 'charmingchoi’s best friend’ or whatever. plus he’s already mentioned me enough that his fans have started thinking i’m his secret boyfriend or something. actually appearing on his videos would probably make it worse.”

jonghyun snorts. “fame is overrated,” he declares.

“well the stuff he gets from pr helps make it less so,” kibum quips, enjoying the fact that jonghyun’s grin broadens.

there’s a silence that falls on them, and it isn’t uncomfortable, but kibum shifts from foot to foot anyway, unsure what to say next.

“so chinese?” jonghyun’s voice is gentle and kibum smiles.

~-~

**to minho:**

do you remember bluemoon948

**from minho:**

how could i forget? you play their damn music all the time. you gush about their voice you ramble about their hands. you made me ask them to collab. they said no. to ME.

**to minho:**

okay look, you’re not important here

**to: minho**

i just found out he’s my colleague. you know the one i’m crashing with tonight? /that one/. yeah. fuck?

**to minho:**

i’ve /already/ embarrassed myself. tonight is gonna be so long

**from: minho**

how dare you i’m the most important.

**from minho:**

i would laugh but i think you’re actually panicking. you’ll be fine. breathe. whatever you did can’t be too bad. he didn’t kick you out, right?

**to: minho**

yeah but.

he’s like really cute?? fuck.

**from: minho**

/really/ can’t help you there

**from: minho**

cheerleading emoji?

**to: minho**

thanks. i think.

~-~

jonghyun’s pants have gingerbread men printed on them. kibum realises when they curl up on the couch to eat their food (jonghyun says he doesn’t particularly like eating at the table unless it’s a party), and lets out an involuntary little laugh.

“what?”

kibum glances at him then away. “just. noticed your pants that’s all.” he isn’t quite sure how he’s supposed to act; jonghyun doesn’t seem to mind just being friendly, and the conversation hasn’t been anything but that. yet kibum’s mood veers between being comfortable and wanting to just stare in awe and it’s awkward, he feels awkward, the whole thing is awkward. he grimaces at his own train of thought, and jonghyun notices.

“do you not like the pants? i thought they were cute!” and jonghyun is looking at him with a downcast expression and doesn’t he know  _he’s the one who’s cute_.

“ _you’re_  cute,” kibum’s mouth accordingly blurts out. in the pause that ensues, he considers running back into the rain and drowning himself.

“do you really think so?” jonghyun’s expression is disarmingly bright, lit up from within. kibum is thrown off by it, the sharp joy.

“in case it escaped your notice, i was pretty much gushing over you just 15 minutes ago.” sometimes kibum wishes confusion didn’t makes him sarcastic.

“that was about bluemoon948. not me.” is jonghyun pouting? “what about me?”

“what about-what?”

“i’ve had a crush on you for a while,” jonghyun divulges easily. “you’re really pretty and i like your voice. and your hands. and your expressions. i try to talk to you all the time when we’re waiting for the bus! surely you’ve noticed.”

“i…what?!” the stilted small talk between them takes on a different form, mutating from courtesy into bashful interest. the first few times when jonghyun seemed to make aborted movements to sit with him more than just a figment of imagination.

“huh. guess you didn’t.” jonghyun doesn’t move but kibum would swear he curls into himself.

kibum wants to reach out, wants to run away, wants to pretend it never happened, wants to find out exactly what jonghyun wants, maybe wants to try to give him that. he swallows down the conflicting emotions and closes his eyes.

when he opens them again, jonghyun is still curled up next to him, head tilted and peering at kibum. “did i scare you?” there’s something warm that blooms in kibum’s chest, something sure.

he doesn’t answer, instead led by a courage borne from nothing but the soft emotion in jonghyun’s eyes, he reaches out and curls fingers around jonghyun’s face, thumb stroking across his cheekbone. jonghyun doesn’t flinch away.

and when kibum leans forward, jonghyun does too.

~-~

**to: minho**

:D :D :D :D :D

**from: minho**

i don’t want to know

~-~

(once a month, on bluemoon948′s channel, the video isn’t of their hands playing music. instead it’s a shadowy figure dancing to one of their songs. 

their fans think it’s a significant other. they have never commented.)


	19. Chapter 19

**fading**

jongkey/r

angst with happy ending

_based on my_ [ _self prompt_ ](https://syncxpatefic.tumblr.com/post/176426581378/self-prompt-a-tattoo-forms-on-your-skin-when-you) _._

a tattoo forms on your skin when you fall in love with someone and fades as you fall out of love. kibum’s tattoo is fading, jonghyun’s is not. 

* * *

 

they’re going grey. the letters on kibum’s wrist, like the colours are being leached away, the same way the love must be draining from his heart.

it feels like the world has lost all its colour too.

“are you okay?” kibum’s question is gentle and searching, tone no different than it always is and if it wasn’t for that tattoo (’moonchild’, the name kibum calls him, sometimes in jest, most time in fond adoration) losing its vibrance, jonghyun wouldn’t have known, he’d have continued living in ignorance until the inevitable heartbreak and- he takes a sharp breath, maybe maybe that would have been better. now it’s a ticking clock, a timebomb, primed for explosion and jonghyun doesn’t want to wait like a sitting duck for his world to implode.

“i’m fine,” he tells kibum, “don’t worry.” _lie lie lie_  says the smile on his teeth. and kibum smiles back, not fooled but he doesn’t press, just reaches out to kiss his forehead then his mouth. jonghyun would believe he still loves him, he kisses with such gentle affection, almost does but the tattoo is _grey_.

and jonghyun’s is still bright bright bright (’firefly’ on his hip, because kibum is a firefly, his firefly, a soft flicker of light in the dark dark night and- he’s losing his firefly. the ache feels like it will never go away). when kibum pulls away jonghyun follows him, catches his mouth again and clings, fisting his hands into the front of kibum’s shirt. kibum groans into the kiss, wrapping arms around his waist to pull him closer, and jonghyun clambers into kibum’s lap and licks his way into his mouth and kibum’s moan is heavy and wanting and then there are fingers pulling at his hair and tugging on his shirt and jonghyun forgets about the fading tattoo, is thinking only  _kibum kibum kibum. mine mine mine. mine._

 _but he’s not mine, not anymore,_  he thinks later, fingers tracing the greyed out letters along kibum’s arm that’s wrapped around his waist, feeling a little bit like someone has punched him in the throat, is holding him down with nails in his shoulders.

“you’re not fine,” kibum whispers from beside him. he presses lips to jonghyun’s bare shoulder. his voice sounds misty, like he too is going to disappear, like the tattoo, like his love for jonghyun, like their forever.

jonghyun makes a quiet sound of despair, and his fingers clench around kibum’s wrist. where his tattoo is fading, where there’s proof of their ending, shattering into broken shards around their feet.

“oh,” kibum breathes out. and incredibly, he starts laughing, not mocking not cruel but it still feels like a knife to the gut to jonghyun. he releases kibum’s wrist and twists to escape but kibum’s arm tightens around his waist. the wounded cry that escapes jonghyun cuts kibum’s laugh in half.

“jjong,” he whispers, softly tenderly lovingly. “look.”

and then he’s extracting himself from jonghyun, stretching himself up, taking jonghyun’s hand and using it to trace another tattoo, a word along his hipbone, a mirror to the tattoo on jonghyun’s body. ‘eternal’. black and stark.

jonghyun feels all his breath leave his lungs at once. “oh.” his hand starts shaking, it feels like their ending is finally beginning. “who’s it for?”

he doesn’t expect the hoarse cry that tears from kibum’s mouth, or the widening of his eyes.

kibum leans forward and cups jonghyun’s face in his hands. “no no no no,” he mutters, desperate. “it’s yours.  _yours_.”

jonghyun still has a rock in his chest, he can’t breathe. “how?” he asks, ragged, broken.

“i don’t know, but it’s yours. i know it is. for you. yours.  _yours_. there’s _no one else_.” the tears that come with the forceful words frighten jonghyun, and might have frightened kibum too but he’s staring at jonghyun with hollow terrified eyes. “you thought i was leaving you,” he whispers. “you thought- how could i-” his words stop with a punched-out sound and jonghyun reaches forward, suddenly filled with a sort of golden joy.

“you still love me,” he whispers.

kibum’s laugh is watery this time. “yes of course.”

“ _how_?" 

"i don’t  _know_ , i don’t. it was there and the other one was going away and- and i noticed but  _i don’t care_.” kibum is angry now, eyes flaring heat despite the tears that still dot his eyelashes. “i don’t need tattoos to tell me if i love you. i love you. i am always going to love you and if you ever doubt it again i’m going to hit you over the head and-”

jonghyun kisses him, kisses him until his words have disappeared and breathless sighs have replaced them, kisses a path down his body, arched up in begging want, runs his tongue over the new tattoo, tracing each letter (eternal. like forever forever  _forever_ ), smiles against skin when he makes kibum pant and writhe and scream, hands clenching into jonghyun’s hair.

“i love you,” kibum whispers much later. “next time just ask me.”

“i love you too,” jonghyun whispers back.

(jonghyun’s tattoo starts fading two months later, replaced by one that says 'forever’.)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda my goodbye fic so. thank you everyone who has ever read, left kudos and commented. <3 you guys are great. i hope life treats you gentle.

**sleepover**

'You’ve been sleeping at mine because your house is being renovated and we aren’t even dating, yet every time you wake up to the baby crying and sigh, “I’ll go” I feel like we might as well be married'

* * *

 

eunyong's shrill wailing very effectively jerks jonghyun out of sleep. he groans, and flips around so he's lying on his front. "please go back to sleep," he tries to say, words muffled by the pillow in his mouth. there's a soft chuckle from beside him, then a hand brushing over his bedhead. "go back to sleep, i'll go," kibum whispers. and jonghyun feels the bed dip and rise as kibum trudges off to go tend to jonghyun's eight-month old terror of a niece. "no, s'okay i'll help." before the words are out of jonghyun's mouth, he's asleep again.

 

when jonghyun wakes up again, the bed is still empty next to him and he guesses it's probably only a while later. he can hear the mellow tones of kibum talking to eunyong, catches snippets of a tune, and he pushes himself off the bed to investigate.

 

"hey," he says. kibum looks up from where he's feeding eunyong and smiles. "had to change her first. poor love was so uncomfortable."

 

jonghyun smiles back, something warm blooming in his chest. he strides forward to lean his forehead against kibum's shoulder. "i'm so glad you're here. don't know how i would have done this alone. sodam is gone for six weeks!"

 

"you're ridiculous, you take care of her fine every day," kibum says, the words quiet and fond.

 

"never ever leave me," jonghyun declares, half teasing half true.

 

he expects kibum to snort, tell him that he'll leave him for the next person who buys him a branded bag. but kibum doesn't answer, and when jonghyun steps back to look at him, he just hands him the empty bottle and starts burping eunyong, cooing softly in her ear. jonghyun stands watching them until kibum waves a hand. "go wash that."

 

"right."

 

in the kitchen, he wonders about the flash of emotion he had seen in kibum's eyes, then tells himself he was hallucinating.

 

~-~

 

here's how it usually works. as a freelance copywriter and editor,  jonghyun works from home and ever since his sister's maternity leave ended, he does the day-to-day duties with eunyong -- feeding her and changing her and minding her. and when sodam gets home after work in the evening, she makes eunyong's dinner. eunyong sleeps enough now that one night feed is sufficient so sodam usually handles most night feeds and jonghyun never really needs to get up. they have a system, and it's a good one.

 

and then sodam got sent on an overseas training assignment and suddenly jonghyun is eunyong's only caretaker. he doesn't begrudge her that. really. it means good things that her company trusts her to train newbies. it's just, he isn't good at the night stuff. his insomnia means he takes an eternity to even get to sleep, and just one night feed could make sleeping completely impossible. to make matters worse, unless he's completely exhausted, he can never sleep in the day. not having fixed hours helps but it does mean sometimes struggling through a deadline with his mind filled with haze and glue.

 

the fact that kibum had already asked (demanded) to stay over while his apartment was being renovated was a godsend. his best friend is a natural with babies, and babies, in turn, love him, gurgle and laugh and grab at his fingers. kibum had grinned when jonghyun asked (begged) and agreed easily. his job has flexible hours so leaving slightly later each morning so he could handle the night feeds wasn't much of a stretch.

 

and so while sodam is gone, there's a new system. at 7.30 every morning, kibum's alarm will go off. jonghyun will whine and kibum will laugh. he'll reach over to pat jonghyun's head, sometimes brushing a kiss into his hair. by 8.15, he'll be off to work and when jonghyun stumbles out of bed at 9, there'll be coffee on the machine waiting for him. the day is spent quietly most of the time -- jonghyun working on his projects, feeding and playing with eunyong. he takes photos and videos of the baby for sodam, sometimes watches tv or takes walks in the nearby park. kibum gets back at 8pm, and if he doesn't buy dinner, jonghyun will have made some for both of them and eunyong.

 

every night, kibum will laugh when jonghyun wakes up to complain about eunyong's crying, will brush a hand over his hair, and whisper "don't worry, i'll go".

 

sometimes when jonghyun isn't too groggy, he'll follow kibum into eunyong's room, talk to him while he feeds her, watch kibum's capable hands and pretty mouth. will wait until kibum is done so they can both slip back into bed and curl into each other. that the sometimes happens more often than not is something jonghyun doesn't quite think about.

 

it's fine. really. they're best friends and they're both tactile, affectionate people. they're used to pressing up close to each other, hold hands and hug all the time, always share a bed when they stay over. but it's four weeks in now and jonghyun thinks maybe he's getting too used to the solid warmth of kibum next to him, and his deep breaths at night, wonders if he'll ever sleep as well once kibum goes home. they're fine, they're _best friends,_ this is nothing unusual. but sometimes it feels a little like his heart flips upside down in his chest when kibum laughs and he doesn't quite know what to do with that.

 

so maybe it's not all that fine.

 

~-~

 

it all comes to head sometime in the midst of kibum's fifth week staying over. jonghyun has stumbled after kibum into eunyong's room again and is watching him rock her with a soft smile.

 

"can you wash this please?" kibum waves the empty bottle at jonghyun and jonghyun grins wider, leaving him to talk to her softly and coax her to sleep.

 

when he gets back, kibum is laying the baby down into her crib, still humming. jonghyun leans against the doorway, watching unabashedly.

 

"you asked me to take care of her night feeds," kibum says, walking forward to hit jonghyun on the shoulder. "but you've been up with me most nights anyway."

 

jonghyun shrugs. "i like watching you with her." his tone turns jokey. "it's like we're married."

 

he expects kibum to gag, or to snort, maybe even viciously push him into the door. but all kibum does is freeze, eyes wide and frightened.

 

"bum?"

 

"asshole," kibum whispers, and he shoves past jonghyun to run to jonghyun's room. jonghyun follows, confused and panicked.

 

when he sees kibum kneeling in the centre of the room, shoving clothes back into the duffle bag he brought, the panic rises much quicker up his throat. "bum what are you doing?"

 

"you can't- i don't- don't you _know?_ " there are tears glittering on kibum's eyelashes, and jonghyun reaches forward, wanting to hold him, comfort him, touch him. but kibum flinches away, pain flashing in his eyes.

 

"i don't know?"

 

"you don't." kibum's laugh is bitter. "of course you don't. i _love you_ , you oblivious asshole. you can't say those things. 'it's like we're married' 'don't leave me' 'stay with me forever' you keep- and i know you don't mean- but _i love you,_ and i can't. be here. anymore."

 

when jonghyun opens his mouth, kibum holds out a hand and closes his eyes. "don't say anything. just- let me leave and don't call me, or text, for the next week, two weeks. something. i'll get over it, i've been trying- just give me a bit more time."

 

jonghyun nods and steps back to watch him pack, hands moving too quick, and feels fear wind itself around his throat.

 

"how long?" he asks, as kibum is leaving. if his voice cracks, they both pretend not to notice.

 

"too long," kibum replies, wry smile on his mouth. "since high school probably."

 

then "my apartment was done three weeks ago. i stayed because i'm a masochist." his laugh is a broken sound that jonghyun does not want to ever hear again.

 

when the door closes, jonghyun leans heavily against it and slides down to sit on the floor. he doesn't get back up until there is sunlight streaming through the crack in the curtains.

 

~-~

 

**from: jinki**

look if you think you love him back, just tell him. but if you don't know, then give him space and let him breathe. you guys have been friends forever so he'll come around eventually. but if you pretend to be in love just to keep him, he's gonna hate you.

 

**from: minho**

don't rush into this just because you miss him now. figure out yourself first, it's not fair if you try something and it's forced because you're scared.

 

**from: sodam**

i'll be home soon, little brother.

 

**to: kibum**

[draft:] i miss you. i miss falling asleep next to you and hearing you breathe and listening to you laugh. does that mean i'm in love with you too? i'm not sure but want to call you and make you laugh again and-

 

**to: kibum**

[draft:] today eunyong screamed the whole night, i think she misses your voice. i miss your voice too. even though you always said mine was perfect, i thought your voice was the nicest thing in the whole-

 

**to: kibum**

[draft:] jinki and minho said i need to give you space, and it's good right? for both of us. space. to figure this out. because you've been in love with me for years and i'm still not sure but-

 

**to: kibum**

[draft:] i care about you a lot. does that count? i mean i would like to kiss you i think, and you're always the first person i want to tell everything to, and i want to know everything that goes on in your head and sometimes when you smile my chest kinda hurts because it's so pretty and you're really pretty you know? i always thought that. and i love being around you and i think i wouldn't mind always being around you and-

 

**to: kibum**

[draft:] sodam says thank you. and also "sorry my brother is a little bit dumb". you would have laughed and agreed i think. she told me that she always thought we already were dating. weird huh? i kinda wish we were. it would be fun i think. you would probably make me play all the video games you design stuff for but i think it wouldn't be terrible if it's with you.

 

~-~

 

"oh for god's sake jonghyun it's 3 in the morning."

 

"hi jinki."

 

"to what do i owe this honour?"

 

"i'm not in love with kibum."

 

"okay."

 

"but i think i would like to be?"

 

"couldn't you call me about this epiphany at a decent hour. say 11 am?"

 

"no. i need to talk now. the last time he talked to me was two weeks ago, and sodam is back now and eunyong is thankfully alive and i want to call him but what if he's not in love with me anymore or it's too late or i ruined _everything._ you were the president of our club! can't you advise me?"

 

"it was a _journalism club_ , what does that have to do with anything? plus _i_ didn't run the advice column. _you_ did."

 

"i can't advise myself. please?"

 

"oh god. it's 3am i cannot be held responsible for any of this. but, just. tell him what you just told me. that's straightforward enough."

 

"what did i say?"

 

"everything stated forthwith is not the opinion of the editor and cannot be held against him. you said, and i quote 'i'm not in love with kibum but i think i would like to be' unquote. just tell him that. it's not quite the same but it's a start."

 

"thanks jinki."

 

"you're welcome. and if you're ever in such a situation again...please call minho."

 

"you literally live together."

 

"yeah but right now he's sleeping like a child next to me and _i_ am awake listening to you whine. so yes, next time call him."

 

"fine. and... thank you."

 

"you're welcome. good luck."

 

~-~

 

**from: minho**

i wasn't asleep. i was /trying/ but you talk really loudly.

 

**from: minho**

good luck with kibum, btw.

~-~

kibum looks tired and sad. but he's here, sitting across from jonghyun, stirring his cup of black coffee, no sugar, no milk. in another lifetime, jonghyun would tell him he's got nothing to stir and kibum would roll his eyes and ignore him. jonghyun would attempt to put sugar into kibum's cup and kibum would flick some coffee onto his wrist. it would end with jonghyun buying a complicated sugar-laden coffee drink with whipped cream and kibum drinking half of it.

but that's not what's happening now.

 

right now kibum is stirring his black coffee and staring at it like it holds secrets to his past, and jonghyun has somehow ordered himself a small cup of breakfast tea.

 

"what did you need to talk to me about?" kibum is the one who breaks the silence, and his voice is like his face, tired and drawn and terribly sad. jonghyun wonders if this is how kibum often feels around him.

 

"i'm sorry," jonghyun says, forcing himself to look up at kibum. "i never realised i was making you feel like this."

 

incredibly, kibum smiles at his words. "you didn't. most of the time, you just made me really happy. it's not your fault i fell in love with you."

 

jonghyun swallows. his heart leapt in his chest when kibum smiled and perhaps it's what makes him sure.

 

"i'm not in love with you," he blurts out.

 

kibum is just a moment too slow to hide the hurt that streaks across his expression. he laughs, a forced stilted sound. "you called me out to tell me that? i knew that already." his grin looks more like a gash across his face.

 

"i'm not finished, please just listen." kibum nods, a too-quick jerk of his head.

 

jonghyun swallows again, stares down very determinedly at his cup. "but you. you smile and my heart goes too quick and i missed you when you weren't there and i love watching you with eunyong and when you sing to her or to yourself and watching you draw, even when it's ridiculous caricatures of me. i want to hold your hand and kiss you under mistletoe and under the rain and maybe just whenever i feel like it and maybe i'm not in love with you, not yet. but i do really want to try and see if i could."

 

when he lifts his eyes up again, kibum's expression is part delight, part disbelief, part careful consideration. "you're not joking right? because this would be an terribly hurtful joke."

 

"when have i ever hurt you on purpose?"

 

the disbelief and consideration morph into a luminous joy that jonghyun thinks he can almost touch. "really?"

 

jonghyun lets his mouth crack into a smile. "yeah. i mean it's not where you are, and i know it's not enough, but i think i want to try and-"

 

kibum reaches over and curls a hand over his. "it's enough. you know i've always been ahead of you anyway."

 

jonghyun twists his hand around to squeeze kibum's. "i'll catch up."

 

kibum's smile could probably light the sun.

 

"i believe you."

 

( **six months later.**

 

they're babysitting eunyong again. just for a while so sodam can go for her yoga class. kibum has her on his lap, reading about a rainbow fish and she's babbling at him and tugging at his hair and grabbing at the book. jonghyun's smile turns into a laugh as eunyong gets tired of sitting and pushes at kibum's thighs to lever herself up, attempting to toddle in jonghyun's direction.

 

when she manoeuvres herself triumphantly into jonghyun's lap, kibum lets out a theatrical gasp. "hey, that's _my_ seat you little terror!"

 

jonghyun snorts. "that's my lap you mean."

 

"nope, my seat." kibum stalks across the room to curl up beside them, knees pulled up underneath his chin, arm brushing jonghyun's. he pushes the book into jonghyun's hands and tilts his head against jonghyun's shoulder. "read to us, father jjong."

 

jonghyun laughs and flips open the book, and that's the moment he _knows_.

 

~-~

 

"wanna go for a movie? there are a couple of good ones out now and taemin says you'll want to watch the marvel one." sodam is back so they're in jonghyun's room, jonghyun lying across his bed and kibum sitting beside him, jonghyun's laptop on his knees, idly surfing the web.

 

"i love you," jonghyun says quietly, and he can see kibum's shoulders stiffen. in the silence that ensues, the air seems to thicken, almost suffocating.

 

kibum's voice is barely a whisper when he replies. "what did you say?"

 

jonghyun sits up so he can look directly into kibum's eyes. "i love you," he repeats, clear and sure.

 

kibum just stares at him for a while, before he very decidedly closes the laptop, and moves off the bed to carefully place it in the centre of jonghyun's desk. and just as jonghyun opens his mouth to question, kibum makes quick steps to fling himself onto jonghyun, knees bracketing jonghyun's thighs, pressing kisses into his hair and face. “i had almost resigned myself to never hearing that,” kibum admits. “i think i would have been happy if you never said it but just let me stay by your side like this.”

 

jonghyun slides his hands up kibum's sides, cupping his hands around his face. "never undercut yourself like that," he whispers. "not even for me." when he leans close to press his mouth to kibum's, kibum lets out a soft sobbing cry. "i love you," he whispers against jonghyun's mouth. "i love you i love you." and jonghyun pulls him in closer, fingers gripping tight and deepens the kiss. they fall backwards onto the bed and jonghyun makes sure that kibum's cries turn into breathless moans.

 

it's a long time before either of them thinks about watching a movie.)

**Author's Note:**

> p.s if you're wondering why there are two oneshot collections. these are the ones I wrote "after" and the other set are the ones I wrote "before". I needed to separate them, for myself.


End file.
